Do you ever feel uncomfortable smoking around certain groups of people in your life, as if it misrepresents who you really are?

That was exactly how Cathy felt in her composting circle. Smoking seemed to completely contradict the connection with nature and sustainability that she was so passionate about.

On this episode of You Can Quit Smoking, Cathy walks us through how she transitioned out of a 30-year, pack-a-day habit into a life of freedom and genuine alignment. Enjoy Cathy’s story.

Jessi:

Hey everyone, welcome back. I'm so happy to be here today with Cathy.

Cathy, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?


Cathy:

Thank you, Jessi. I'm excited to be here and share my story with smoking.

So, I'm located in Canada. My working title is Cathy - crawley, laughing, bean queen. I offer simple solutions for today's challenges: worms for amending the soil, sprouts for eating, and laughter for overall health and wellness. I’m really focused on laughter at this time because we have a global mental health tsunami.


Jessi:

Absolutely appreciate that work. I can feel a difference whenever I let myself open up with a smile or with a laugh. So, I think it's awesome work.

And I am excited to hear more about your story with smoking. So, talk to us. What's your story with smoking?


Cathy:

Yeah, so I smoked for just about 30 years. It was 29 years and a few months. Wow, thinking about it, it's hard to imagine that I spent that much time in that.
So, I started smoking at age 12 and I look like a little baby. When I look at pictures of me at age 12, I'm just like, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe I was smoking at that time and in grade six.”

So in Canada, we went from kindergarten to grade 6. And then 7 to 9, which was middle school. And then high school. And middle school just seems like everyone's turning teenagers and that's where the shenanigans happen. You mix all the schools so all the people come together.


Jessi:

Yeah.


Cathy:

So in grade six I was like, "Oh, I would never smoke." And then grade seven, boom, I started smoking. It was so strange when I think about it. It's like I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be one of the cool kids and I don't think I was. So I smoked.

And you know the first time anybody smokes, we choke because it's poison. I believe that everybody has the experience. You take a drag of the cigarette and you choke. Because it's your body saying, “No, not that.” But we're like, "No, no, I can do this. I got it."


Jessi:

Override it.


Cathy:

Right. We keep on practicing to smoke and then we get it. And then of course then it's got us. And I kind of think that most smokers want to be non-smokers, but it's very highly addictive. It gets us in so many ways. And it had me.

Some of the things about smoking for me was it allows you time to get away from people. If you're at a family function, you're like, "Oh my gosh, I got to get out of here." It's like, "Oh, I'm going to go for a smoke." And only the smokers will join you.

It's kind of a social club. You go out there and you smoke. The smokers talk to each other because it's like maybe you need a light or you need to bum a smoke. Although I don't think you bum smokes for free anymore today at the price of them.


Jessi:

No kidding, yeah.

When did you start to realize… like you said that many smokers want to quit. Do you remember when that changed for you? When it came from, “This is the way to fit in”, maybe you like doing it to something that you didn't want to do? What changed within you?


Cathy:

As a young person, I would go out drinking and whatever. Drinking and smoking seem to go together. It was a fun time. But then the next day, if you smoke and drink, then you're hung over. And if you smoke, it adds to it. You just l have that horrible taste. You feel like crap and you wake up and you've started all again.

And I tried to quit smoking, I would say, hundreds of times. And I used to joke, "I quit smoking every night and then I just start every morning." And my husband and I both smoked. So we would smoke and "Okay, let's stop smoking."

I can't put a time on it, but I know at a certain point, the price was going up. I think it was like 65 cents a pack when I started. I'm in my 60s. If anyone's like, "65 cents, what?" Yeah. So, it was kind of cheap enough. Like just change that you would find lying around, you could go and buy a pack of smokes or you could even borrow the money. But now, I think they're over 10 bucks a pack. You need a part-time job just to smoke.


Jessi:

Yeah.


Cathy:

So, at a certain point, I'm super cheap, it was like, "Wow, I'm spending all this money on smoking. I need to stop." So, my husband and I would be like, "Okay, we both got to stop together because I don't want you to be smoking and then that'll drag me back in."

And what I understand now is if you hang around with smokers, they don't want you to quit. Because if you quit, uh-oh, now what are their parents going to say? Or what is their girlfriend/boyfriend going to say? What are your friends going to say? Like, "Oh, Cathy quit, so you can quit, too." So they drag you back in like, "Hey, you want to go for a smoke? Oh yeah, you're trying to quit. Oh, come on."

And then maybe you're having a bad moment. So you're like, "Ah.” It's your go-to. Like it's like a soother. Like for babies, you know. It's that kind of an oral fixation, right? Like that thing.


Jessi:

Yeah.


Cathy:

So, I don't know how many times I tried to quit really, like dozens and dozens of times. And my husband and I would try to quit at the same time. And then somehow one of us would create a fight. Like then we'd get into a skirmish because that nicotine monster was eating away at us.

So, we'd cause an argument. And then one of us would go to the store and buy smokes. "Huh, good. Okay. conflict resolved for the moment." Like it's such a fascinating thing.

I'm so excited to be part of this and to add my voice. And hopefully smokers are listening, like "I really want to quit. How do I quit? Let me listen to Jessi's show and get some ideas."


Jessi:

That's a really familiar cycle for me too is the fighting. Almost like you said, maybe subconsciously like having some intention with that. "If I bring this to the surface then this is the excuse I need." Because I was caught in that pattern of being dramatic, of going to reach for it. So, how did you end up breaking that pattern?


Cathy:

Well, one of my businesses is worm composting. I started my business in 2002 and I was doing all these environmental gigs. I would not smoke at any of those gigs. So, amazing that you can go all day without smoking if you're in a situation.

I have a psych degree. And I had major cognitive dissidence, which is you believe something but you're doing something different. So there I was smoking, but in this environmental realm of eating pure and drinking good water and having good thoughts and meanwhile polluting my body with smoking. And I was unable to smoke around my eco-friends because I just felt so guilty smoking.

My husband was able to do it. He was like, "Well I'm a smoker. It's fine." And that's something I kind of never declared. I never declared myself as the smoker, "I'm a smoker." Because I was embarrassed that I smoked. It seems so ridiculous.

And also what I've learned is that shame can only survive in silence. As soon as we say whatever it is that we're ashamed of, it diffuses the power. It doesn't have energy anymore because it's shared. At least in my own experience. So I would never say "I'm a smoker." And I was really embarrassed about it. I would hide. I was really a closet smoker. It was eating me up.

What really got me to quit was in 2004 was I got pregnant. And I was like, "Oh my gosh, no." I had a miscarriage, so I still don't have kids. But that was a big gift for me. I was like, "No, I can't. I can't be a smoker and be pregnant. No, no, just no." And so what helped me quit was the book Quit Smoking by Allen Carr. Have you heard of this book?


Jessi:

Yes.


Cathy:

It worked for my husband and I both. Both of us quit at the same time. For us, it was essential that we quit at the same time because we hung out together a lot. And it just seemed that, “If I'm going to quit, you got to quit, too.” And good for both of us, right? Good for the bank balance.

Some people will put the money that you spent for smokes in a jar for a holiday or something. I might have started that, but I never continued that. Imagine that retirement plan.


Jessi:

Yeah. What shifted with you with the book then? Because you already knew a lot of that stuff intuitively. It was something that you knew wasn't a good idea for you. You didn't want to be doing. You didn't want to see yourself that way. So, was there something particular about the book that clicked for you?


Cathy:

Yeah, where he talks about the nicotine monster. I think it's the first three days. If you can make it past the first 3 days, then it's psychological.


Jessi:

Yeah.


Cathy:

And then I did things like have a carrot or have a hypnotic thing where you're just pretending to smoke but not really smoking. But I think that that still causes an effect in your body if you're pretending to smoke. Like you are what you act. For me, that book was so powerful in the way that he laid out what happens when you smoke and how the nicotine is the driver.


Jessi:

I'm curious, when you were doing all those quits, you said you had tried dozens of times. How far were you making it? Were you making it through those first few days? Did you have a kind of a pattern where you would want to go back?


Cathy:

Yeah, it was usually just a couple of days. We might have gone a week, but then something happens. It was always an emotional driver that sent us back smoking. Us because I'm saying my husband and I.

There's so many things with smoking, like so many ties. I do tapping like EFT, emotional freedom technique. And they say for smoking, it's so many rounds because smoking is attached to so many other habits.


Jessi:

Absolutely. And it's definitely an emotional thing. That was kind of my issue with Allenn Carr. I didn't really feel like it acknowledged the emotional depth. It kind of made it seem like "This is just a silly thing. Don't do this." And I'm like, "But you don't understand how much pain I am in and how I don't know how to make this better."

So, how did you start addressing some of those emotional concerns? How did you start either accepting or learning how to regulate those emotions? You mentioned tapping. Is that something you used at that time or did you have other tools that you used when you were quitting?


Cathy:

Yeah, I was introduced to tapping in 1999. So, it was around the same time because I had the challenge with my environmental business. There was this real push for me to be a non-smoker so that I could breathe deeper, no pun intended, you know, without choking.

I've set a goal of living a very long life. In order to live a long life, I do need to have healthy habits like not smoking, eating properly, doing all the things that you can do. Like if you get hit by a bus, well that's out of your control, right?


Jessi:

Right.


Cathy:

But doing the things, having the good habits so that you can be more vibrant. And when you do quit, it's such a wonderful experience. You know where you're going.

Like I was one of those counting days, counting weeks, counting months. For me, when it became that I couldn't even remember how much time, at that point I knew I was a non-smoker.


Jessi:

So you were already in the works of building that identity. I think that's really powerful. Like you were saying, “It's so silly to have this conflicting part of myself where I'm doing these things that don't align with the smoking.” But I feel like that's part of the process.

A lot of people find themselves in that situation where it's like smoking is the one thing that's like, "This doesn't fit." But all that work matters. You're already moving into a new phase of life and all that needs to go is the smoking. So, I think that's beautiful.


Cathy:

Yeah, that's it. I know some friends they own smoking like, "Oh, it's a part of who I am. Who am I if I'm not a smoker?" It's a real challenge if you really take it on and you say "I am this." Because as you know, when we say "I am" and then whatever follows we take on that identity.

As I said I had never done that. Not that it made it easier to quit. It was very hard. I don't know if it's true but they say it's more addictive than heroin. And I know heroin addicts have a really tough time kicking the habit too.


Jessi:

That's my other issue with Allen Carr, The Easy Way. I'm like "I don't think it's easy." So, it's interesting that even though it helped you, it was not easy. So, what was the hardest thing for you to shift?


Jessi at midroll:

I hope you’re enjoying the episode so far!

If you want support beyond the weekly podcast, come connect with me, Jessi Hartnett, on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook @HonorYourHeart.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this story, and my DMs are always open if you're looking for a deeper conversation.

Now, let’s get back to the show.


Cathy:

Probably the cravings. You know, that nicotine monster gets in there. I felt like my skin was crawling. "I needed to have that fix." You know, you're fidgety.

I was just like really I thought I was going crazy at times and so what can I do? "Okay, I'll go for a walk. I'll have a drink of water. And input other habits where smoking used to be.” But again, as I said, there's so many things attached when you work.

If you have a nine to five job, say you work in an office or a factory or wherever you work, smokers have more breaks. Smokers get to have longer breaks because it takes time. If it's winter, you’ve got to go get your coat and da da da and then you go to the smoking.

Like for me, there were a lot of extra things. It's like "Hmm, if I quit smoking, I don't get the extra long break and I don't get to hang out with the cool people." Even though maybe they're not so cool, they smell and…


Jessi:

Right.


Cathy:

And I think that's something that you don't realize as well, how much you smell.


Jessi:

Mhm.


Cathy:

Even if you eat mints and you have spray and whatever, it sticks in your clothes. And winter is really strange when you smoke outside and then you come inside, somehow that cold makes the smoke smell stick on you even more.

So you come in and it's not like that whoosh of fresh air. It's just like the whoosh of "Oh, you just smoked." It just follows you around like a cloud. When I did quit smoking, waking up in the morning without that furry mouth, that horrible feeling of like you just ate an ashtray, it really is awful.

And so once you can overcome that, for anyone listening, it's so refreshing. It's just so wonderful. There is a challenging time, but if you can break through that barrier, you feel so great.

Sometimes people gain weight. It may be part of it. I wouldn't say take up eating candy or or doing eating as a substitute because then if you gain a whole whack of weight, you may take up smoking again. So then you can lose the weight and then you're in that kind of cycle, the ups and downs of your weight and going back and forth to smoking.

Oh my gosh. I would say potentially find new friends that are non-smokers so that you can still have your social time because that's part of it. Well, all of my friends were smokers. So, you need to either be okay with letting them go and smoke and not hanging out with them, but that's where the conversations take place. You know, when you're having your smoke, you're relaxed and you're..


Jessi:

That private moment.


Cathy:

Yeah. Having a moment.


Jessi:

Going back to it being difficult, was there anything that you felt like you gained from that difficult experience? Did that change your confidence? Did you feel more resilient, more empowered? Was there something that is a benefit in it being difficult for you?


Cathy:

Absolutely. When you can break through those challenging times, for me, I just felt stronger. I was like, "Wow, I quit smoking.” I smoked for almost 30 years. It was a part of my life, like a pack a day smoker. Wow. When you think of it, oh my gosh, it's insane.

And you know, in Canada, we have horrible images of what can happen if you smoke. And some people just have a wrapper on their pack. Like, I could not buy the packages that had the teeth, the whole rotting mouth. I think it's mouth cancer or whatever. Those kind of worked for me that I quit around the time that those were coming out.

And I don't know about the surgeon general's warning, you know, that if you smoke whatever the things are going to happen. I'm not sure how effective those are because we go back to how addictive smoking is. I'm not sure how to get rid of that.

But absolutely, when I overcame that challenge of the smoking, I was like, "Man, I can do anything. I did something that's harder than quitting heroin. I did it." So again, more money. More freedom because I wasn't tied to that having to go and smoke every couple times an hour. It was really liberating for me. I just felt very proud of myself for kicking the habit.


Jessi:

Yeah, it's hard to truly understand until you live it. That's one of the biggest gains for me was just knowing that I could do it. It changed my confidence. I didn't expect that at all. So that was a surprise for me big time.

And I'm wondering, with talking about things that have been a benefit that you've gained, what was the relationship like with your intuition? Because I feel like you had a really strong intuitive sense early on that this wasn't something that was serving you. Like you had mentioned the body reaction where your body is like, "No, stop this. What are you doing?" And you're like, "No, no, hush, hush, hush."

So, when you quit smoking, did your relationship with your intuition change? Is it something that you knew that you could rely on more? Did it enhance at all? Or is it something that just kind of stayed steady for you?


Cathy:

Just in the last few years, I've been tuning in more to my body and tuning in to my intuition. I'm not sure that quitting smoking aided or abetted that. I'm not sure.


Jessi:

Did you feel more connected with your body after quitting? Because I feel like smoking has such a numbing effect on our body. Like for me, I couldn't feel how much pain I was in until I quit smoking. And then I'm like, "Oh, there's a lot going on here.” You know, just with that clearing process and everything you go through."


Cathy:

Absolutely, yes. My skin cleared up. It kind of had a gray tinge to it, you know? I mean, 30 years of putting a really toxic product in your body.

Yeah. I could breathe clearly. They say that food tastes better and it did. Well, I think I have a damaged olfactory which is why I'm in the composting field. I can't really smell things. I think that that happened during smoking and I don't think that's recovered.


Jessi:

Okay. Yeah.

So, I'm wondering for someone that's in it and they're struggling. Maybe they're like you, maybe they know that this isn't who they really are, but they're just so used to the habit that it's difficult to imagine getting by without it. They don't know what to do on those work breaks with themselves. They don't know how to get through a craving when it's so uncomfortable. Maybe they have relationships in their life where there's a lot of smoking and they can't get away from it. So, what words of advice would you have for someone that's in a situation like that?


Cathy:

Yeah, I would say think about what it is that you want in your life. Because we know if we smoke our whole life and we have those habits, sickness is coming.

And there are those stories of, "Oh, Uncle Joe, he lived to 100 and he smoked a pack a day and he drank scotch every day" or whatever. Fine, there are anomalies.

But research shows that if you smoke for your whole life, likely emphyma, lung cancer, other things are coming and they're awful. They're horrific.

If you have children or grandchildren, think about them. Think about doing it for your family, for your loved ones because people care. People care about you. So, I would say it's really worth it.

And once you get to the other side of becoming a non-smoker, declare it, like own it and tell people. I was more successful when I was attempting to quit smoking when I declared it. When I said to people, "Oh, I'm quitting smoking. Okay, I'm quitting smoking, everyone.” Even though there were the naysayers, "Oh yeah, sure, whatever." Disregard those folks.

Find the people who are going to support you. Get a buddy who maybe also wants to quit and you can quit together. Because then you can support each other, like AA. They're like, "Ah, I really want to have a smoke. Let me call my buddy" and then they can talk you down or they can go for a drink or… not drinking. [laughter] You can go for a drink of water. I mean, don't take up drinking.

I would say if you're going to replace smoking with a habit, make it like walking or some kind of an exercise where you then become, I would say not a fanatic because then that's going the other side. We want to be balanced folks. So, I would say find people that can be a support network for you, someone you can phone or text at any moment.

What I learned from Allen Carr was this nicotine monster, it's there. The craving's there. If you wait, it subsides. The feeling will subside. So just busy yourself with something else. You know, maybe taking up knitting or taking up something that you can do with your hands because there is that oral fixation and something to do with your hands.


Jessi:

Yeah, that's all really great advice. And I think it's so important to get support. And one thing that stood out to me about your story, too, is with those images on the pack and everybody thinks it's not going to be them. It can be really hard to connect to that future version of yourself that could get really sick and have a horrific ending like you said.

But from your story, it's like you don't even have to wait to reap the benefits that your quality of life is better every day. Like you said, "I wake up, I don't feel that horrible feeling in my mouth. I don't walk around with that shame that I'm carrying every day."

Like I just think that's such a more tangible thing to people. It gets better pretty quick. Like you're going to feel it right away. But yeah, nobody wants to wind up like those pictures.


Cathy:

Nobody wants to have a tracheotomy. Is that what it's called? Where they, you know, you're breathing through the center of your throat. No. Nobody wants that.


Jessi:

No.


Cathy:

And you're right. People don't think they're going to be there like young people. And I think now we have a problem with vaping.


Jessi:

Yes.


Cathy:

Maybe it's not the smoke, but there's also a lot of toxic chemicals in that vape stuff that's making people addicted to vaping.


Jessi:

Yeah. I think it can be more addictive in some ways because it's so accessible.Well, thank you so much for coming on here and talking to us.

And you know, you had mentioned working with compost and maybe that's a benefit with your smell. So, can you talk to us more about your composting work and your work with laughter and where people can find you?

Cathy:

Yeah, absolutely. So, with the worms, it's indoor composting with worms. Worms in the house. Who doesn't want that? It's the 24th anniversary of my worm composting business.


Jessi:

Wow.


Cathy:

Thank you, cathyscomposters.com is where you'll find me there.

And since 2012, I was introduced to laughter yoga. And that really helped me with my worm business. You know, I think on a certain level before laughter yoga, I took it personal when somebody said, "Ew, worms in the house." And laughter yoga allowed me to become more resilient, to laugh more hardy.

When we're laughing, we're secreting all the love drugs, dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins versus cortisol, adrenaline, epinephrine. We breathe deeper. And you can find me at cathysclub.com.

I have a free laughter club online. It's 9:30 a.m. Eastern on Zoom. Free. Come and check it out. And for smokers, when we're laughing, we feel good. We connect on a deeper level. So, I would say come and laugh with me and I'll encourage you to kick the habit.


Jessi:

Yes. It's amazing medicine. And that's what I found to be very effective for me in quitting smoking was reconnecting with joy because it was heavy and hard and that was kind of keeping me stuck.

But when I could start to see the lighter sides of it and have more fun with it and it's like, "Hey, I get to breathe. This is fun." You know what I mean? Like all the joys of moving past it can really be a motivation as well. So, I think that laughter is a great tool to use in doing the hard work.


Cathy:

And if I may, I know we're wrapping up, but you know, smoking used to be promoted in movies and there used to be commercials like, "Oh, nine out of 10 doctors recommend Lucky Strikes." And it's, you know, so I would say marketing really works, advertising really works. Don't buy into all the things that .


Like you don't even see smoking anymore on shows unless you're watching an old show. It's so rare for people to be smoking. So, I think that's effective. Thank goodness for that.

Just that it's really worthwhile to quit because you feel good, you look better, you feel better, you have more money, and life is worth it.


Jessi:

Absolutely. Yeah. And those images are persistent. They're always like the lifestyle ads.

Like they did it with the vaping when all that came out too. Just like everyone's laughing. That's the image of joy right there is like holding a vape, holding a cigarette and laughing, having a good time, being fabulous.

And the great thing is you can still live that life without the smoking. You don't need it at all.


Cathy:

That's it. There is a shame element or guilt. And those are low vibration feelings. When we're feeling shameful or guilty, it's taking our energy.


Jessi:

Yes.


Cathy:

It's more challenging to feel joy and feel that freedom when we have that piece attached to shame. Like, "Oh, I'm a good person, but I smoke." Even if we don't say it out loud, it's powerful.

I wish everyone wonderful success in quitting and just keep trying. Even if you've tried a hundred times, it may be the 101st time that you're successful.


Jessi:

Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story with us and bringing that shame to light. Because I think that a lot of people carry that and it can be hard to face that and you feel so alone with it.

So just you coming in and saying, "Hey, I felt this way and I moved past this" is really inspiring and I'm really happy for you that you've moved on from it and are helping others. So thank you.


Cathy:

Yeah. Thank you, Jessi.


Jessi:

Thank you. Take care, everyone. I'll see you next week.


End of Interview

As Cathy just shared with us, her values were her greatest motivator to finally commit to quitting smoking.

DR leaned on his values as well. Smoking was part of his life for decades, but when he felt the divide between how he was living and the person he actually wanted to be, he knew it was time to put the habit down for good.

Hear how DR focused on changing his inner narrative and living with intention on Episode 15 of You Can Quit Smoking.