Have you been trying to bully yourself into having more discipline in quitting smoking? This is how Leigh got to the other side of the habit.

Yet she found herself in an unhappy and unhealthy place without having addressed the root cause of what drove her to smoking in the first place. Ultimately Leigh recognized her internal pattern and did the work to move out of it.

Enjoy Leigh’s story here on the You Can Quit Smoking podcast.

Jessi:

Hey everyone, welcome back. I'm so excited to be here today with Leigh Gall.

Leigh, can you introduce yourself to the audience? Tell us a little bit about yourself.


Leigh:

So happy to be here. My name is Leigh Gall. I am a speaker and coach. I’m a former corporate person who went on a journey and as a part of that process have learned a lot about myself and my inner world.

Now I dedicate myself to helping others do the same thing which is part of what today is about with talking through some of what gets in our head. And hopefully helping your listeners understand some of that as it pertains to helping them quit smoking.


Jessi:

Yeah, I really appreciate your wisdom, your podcast, and the things you have to share. Your work is really important and resonates with me deeply.

So, I'm excited to jump into it. What's your story with smoking?


Leigh:

I feel like it was another planet, another lifetime. It was a part of my younger self and predominantly in my college years.

I was dating a guy. We were both kind of goody two shoes at the time and just walked the straight and narrow. His parents were regular smokers so it was very much in our environment.

And then kind of out of nowhere, we took a turn. And because it was so accessible in his household before I knew it him, myself, his brothers, we were all smoking like all the time.

Then it carried with me into college and it became a part of my identity and my personality. And I did quit then so it does feel like a lifetime ago and almost like an entirely different Leigh altogether.


Jessi:

So what happened? What changed where you were thinking about quitting and decided to make that choice?


Leigh:

I think at the time I didn't like being powerless to an addiction. I think over time part of my personality started to change and I was associating less with that world. Because sometimes that happens; our worlds, our environment start to reflect one thing or another. And gradually I was shifting away from that smoking identity and the people that I had been around and more into just a different environment.

And so when I noticed that I kind of had this other… Well, let's call it a leash, right? I had this leash pulling me back into another world that I didn't want to identify with. And it was around that time I said, "No, I want to stop. I don't like that I'm being controlled by this substance. And I want to change my identity and my relationship around smoking.” And I made the decision to quit.


Jessi:

What did quitting look like for you? Was it difficult? Did it take time? Did it take practice?


Leigh:

I think quitting anything is difficult. At the time it definitely took a few attempts for sure. But I really kind of put my mind to it and said, "Okay, you know, I'm going to do this." And I was really disciplined.

But I say that because, you know, I've kind of shared with you that I recently have gone alcohol-free. And so I mention that because those were two entirely different experiences.

When I quit smoking, it was this disciplinary part of me that came in and said, "You're going to do it." And I did it. I said I was going to do it. And I set myself some rules. I applied them. And then I quit.

But I couldn't do that with alcohol. And that was a much more difficult relationship to change. And it might be something that I'd like to expand upon because it might be something that resonates more with your listeners who don't have that same kind of disciplinary relationship.

I think it's two different approaches. So yes, when I quit smoking, it was a little bit more matter of fact. “I'm going to get this job done. I'm going to do it right. I'm going to be done.” And then I did. But again, the alcohol conversation is much different.


Jessi:

Did you start drinking around that time or did that come later?


Leigh:

Oh, no. I had already been drinking. I mean I was in college. So, I was older, in my younger 20s.

I didn't have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I just drank kind of like everybody else did in college: parties, bars, things like that. But the smoking and the drinking definitely went hand in hand. That was complicated to be able to resume drinking while not smoking.


Jessi:

Yeah. I'm just wondering if the time plays a factor in it because you were talking about the identity. It was easy for you to move in and out of it.

Maybe just experimenting when we're young. We try things on, we take them off. “No, that's not for me.” And sometimes if you invest in an identity longer, it's more difficult to drop. You know, with the drinking just going on.


Leigh:

Oh, yeah. I think you absolutely hit that on the head. I think that there is some of this experimentation when we're younger. We become less identified with things and of course the habits occur over shorter periods of time.

When I look back at the drinking, yeah, it had been over 20 years just based on my age and how long I had been drinking. So, it had been something that was with me longer versus the smoking.

But I also think that there's a story there as to the alcohol. It had become a self-medication tool for me. And that was relevant because of my age. Because the longer we go and the more we suppress our authentic selves or the more we self-abandon, the more we need something to use as an alternative, as a self-medication. So that's where the alcohol meant so much more to me in my life and as an older person than smoking did.

Smoking was something that I could easily let go of easily. It is still an addictive substance, but I was less identified with it. And that's a big part of how those relationships and quitting were so very different.


Jessi:

Yeah. And I'm curious too with the smoking, if you used it for a particular coping mechanism.

So like for me, even early on, even as a teenager, I always associated smoking with stress relief. And I think that's why I became dependent on it so deeply, so young. And I continued to do that. Because I didn't have any ability to manage stress without it, or so I thought.

And so I'm wondering, was smoking like that for you? Or was it more just a fun thing, a way to connect with friends, your social group? Like what did smoking mean for you? Was there any kind of emotional connection to it?


Leigh:

Your question….I literally have chills. Because you opened up this little box in a corner of my mind that I hadn't revisited in a while. And your question accessed a different part of me because you're one thousand percent correct.

I knew at the time that I was using it to relieve stress and anxiety. But what you just unlocked in my mind is what I was carrying at that age that I didn't know. I was carrying unresolved pain and trauma that I now see as an adult and through the work I do. But that younger self was carrying that same stuff. And I didn't know at the time.

And so one thousand percent, smoking was a stress relief. It was something that I turned to when I felt overwhelmed. It was like a reset. So yeah, the simple answer is, “Yes.” But the more complicated one is, “Whoa, holy crap!” It’s just the reality of how much more stress and anxiety I was carrying that I didn't even realize. It’s like that big, kind of mind-blowing moment.


Jessi:

So, you know, when we quit these substances that we're relying on to be a coping strategy or emotionally suppress or whatever we're doing with it, we have to develop new tools.

So, were you able to develop new tools or is that when you started turning to drinking more often? What did you do to transition out of relying on that when you were overwhelmed? What did you do when you were overwhelmed instead and you quit?


Leigh:

I didn't turn to drinking. Again, that was something in my younger years that I could give or take. I didn't have an unhealthy relationship with that at the time.

And frankly, even when I did make the choice to go alcohol-free, it wasn't a problem. It was just something that I wanted to change. I mean, it was a problem to me. But not like on the outer side, how we all like to look at things.

But I know it was a struggle. I didn't use any one particular thing. I've always been a gum chewer. That's regardless. That's just my thing anyway.

But I think again the tool that I used to quit was kind of like this dominating, abusive inner critic that was just like, “You're going to do it.” And so I was almost obeying the command that I had set out for myself. And just kind of wouldn't take no for an answer. Like I was beating myself up to do this and just required it.

So, I'm sure subconsciously it came out in other areas. Like maybe I found other ways to control other parts of my life that were less of a tool I could give to people, but more of probably an unhealthy resolve where that went instead. Does that make sense?


Jessi:

It does. Yeah. I have a similar voice still I work with. I keep hoping it'll just be gone. But I'm trying to learn to love it, accept it, and live with it, and not let it run my life, of course. So that was a huge part of me quitting smoking was to not listen to that voice anymore or not trust it I guess.

And so talk maybe more about that inner critic voice. So it helped you with quitting smoking. So it served a purpose for you. Is it something that came back up with the drinking? What's your relationship with that voice and drinking? And is it still present for you now?


Leigh:

That's a fantastic question because that same voice that allowed me to quit smoking was the same voice that caused me to drink. It's paradoxical, right?

Where it was this harsh like, “You will get this done. You will do this. You will not fail.” And so it was like, “Yay me, pat on back. I was able to quit smoking.”

But because that voice, that inner critic was always present in my life, it talked to me like that for everything. And I didn't realize it. So I could go achieve these things. I could quit smoking. I could go get a job. I could win a competition. Because this voice was commanding me to do that.

And I never realized that it was so domineering and so self-hating really that it was what was causing me to want to self-medicate. So at the end of the day after five o’clock it became this torment. It was this flood of where I had lacked boundaries earlier in the day or feeling like I wasn't sufficient.

And I didn't realize that. And so all I knew is that at five o’clock, I was ready for another stress relief which became alcohol. And the relief was from those inner thoughts. It wasn't from the work itself or plugging in numbers on an Excel sheet. It was relief from the mental abuse.

And again, I was able to identify that that was something I had been carrying my whole life. And you don't notice it because you assume it's you and you take it as the truth. It's just like your eye color. You don't even notice it until one day you do. And then you can start decompartmentalizing it and working through it.

And so to answer your question, obviously in a very long-winded way, is that critic still part of me? Yes, it will always be. It's part of our conditioning. It's our life in our current state. However, because I've identified it and I see it for what it is, I know it's not the truth and I don't listen to it. I can say, "Okay, I see you. I hear you, but I'm going to choose not to let this matter in the way you want it to. And I'm going to choose to be happy instead."


Jessi:

That's great. I can relate to that but it was with quitting smoking for me. It's the same story, but just I had a different relationship with smoking, I think. And I think part of that is just time because I was 15 years in it. It's more complex than that, of course.

So, I'm curious. You said that you started drinking because of that voice. Did you start smoking because of that voice, too?


Leigh:

I very well could have. But because I was so young, I just didn't know. I was less in touch with myself at that time. But I mean, honestly, I think the answer is yes, because there was a lack of boundaries within myself and wanting to be accepted by others. So, yes, I wanted to be with the boyfriend and the family, and so I hopped on the wagon with them.

And then also, yes, because it then provided some stress release and some release from anxiety. So, I think one thousand percent yes. It was a relief for me for things I was holding at that time that I was unaware of.

And then alcohol did the same. Again, when I was younger, I didn't really notice it at all. But then as I got older, it became more habitual. Nightly it was like, “Okay five o’clock, time for that glass of wine or whatever”.

And it wasn't until I started doing this inner work on myself that I was able to connect the dots. And I think there's probably many things from my past that I can go, "Oh, found another one." I can start realizing that they were all essentially the same thing just disguised in a different mask.


Jessi:

So, you had mentioned earlier being a young person and having this anxiety, this kind of stress, carrying this pain already. And progressively adding on as we do throughout life when we're unaware.

What did you do to start dealing with some of that? You mentioned the inner work. What did that look like for you? How were you able to stop relying on an external substance, stop being driven by this inner critic, and develop other strategies to deal with life? And start to unpack some of that load that you were carrying?


Leigh:

It's actually part of the work I do now with speaking and coaching and helping people. So, I work one-on-one to help people kind of uncover what's getting in their way of doing anything. It could be quitting smoking. It could be starting a business or whatever.

I think for me the first step was just understanding that I had unresolved pain that I didn't realize was still impacting me. And I had lived a life knowing like, “Okay, that wasn't great.” We all carry stuff and we don't talk about it because we don't. And I felt like when I looked back and I was like, “Well, I mean, I guess I'm doing okay. I guess that didn't really matter.”

We see that a lot on TV, too. You know, the people that stand up and they're like, “I had a really bad childhood and look at me”. It's like, “Whoa, that doesn't mean anything.” And so, we often don't realize that there are unresolved parts of ourselves that hang out.

And that was the key. When I realized that these things did have an impact, when I looked them in the eyes, essentially, I healed. I allowed myself to heal from them. I had never healed because I didn't know I needed to. And then I realized that. I started that process. And that was the turning point.


Jessi at midroll:

I hope today's guest is giving you a new perspective on what is possible.
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Let's head back to the episode.


Jessi:

Did that coincide with you becoming aware of the inner critic voice? Or did that become so loud that you heard it and then you're like, "Okay, what's going on here?" Like, how did those work together?


Leigh:

Oh, they are in lockstep. I wouldn't even be able to tell you where one began and one ended. It is all one watercolor mosaic.

And I think that's why I do this because to be very honest, and I don't know if you can relate or if any of your listeners can relate. ButI spent so much of my life really feeling broken and really feeling like I was different. And I would look out and I'm like, “Man, everybody makes it look so easy or how do they know?” And I just felt likeI was carrying around a secret.

And so when I finally started to do this digging and this healing and this work, I almost kept it to myself. Because I thought, “Well, nobody else is going to get it because they're all great.” And then I started slowly sharing the messages about the inner critic and about my unresolved things and about the ways I had been wearing masks and hiding.

And slowly but surely, people were telling me, "Oh, that resonates. I connect." And I realized, "Oh, this is something that people need to hear." And I began to share it. But initially, I just thought that I was this one little kind of blip and nobody else would get it. Now I'm realizing it's a much more applicable message to anybody that might be turning to substances or other ways to run away from unresolved pain.


Jessi:

Absolutely. It's applicable to most people. I think it's about the awareness. I mean, not that we need to go looking for bad things within ourselves. But you know, once you start to see it, it can be like, "Wow, this is heavy."

I loved how you mentioned that you were completely unaware of the inner critic because I lived in that state too. It's just like, “This is just how I think. This is how I operate and it's working.” Or so I thought.

So I'm curious what that shift was for you where you actually started to develop the awareness? Like was there an event that happened? Did you change something?

Because for me quitting smoking was the thing I needed to hear that inner critic. It was when I took away my pacifier that the voice got so loud. And it was also for me trying meditation which was so weird. When I started, I thought it was going to be a very peaceful, nice, relaxing thing. Like I was just going to start floating or something and it would be really wonderful and loving.

And it was not like that at all for me. It was like living hell in my head. So I’m just wondering what changed for you where you became aware of that voice.


Leigh:

Oh yeah. Well, so there's kind of three things.

One, yes, I love meditation. It's amazing. And I do think that because I had started practicing meditation that there was a clear correlation behind all of this. I couldn't tell you when or where or how. But I’m also a fan.

I also completely agree with the pacifier example because that is what that is. We are pacifying ourselves into a state of not having to address it. But there was one thousand percent an event. And it's kind of comical because it was pickle ball.

I had started playing pickle ball and I became obsessed. I wanted to get better at all costs. And I was playing around the clock like whenever I could. I was joining leagues and lessons and doing all these things.

I would go and I'd play. Then I would leave and just immediately start beating myself up. But I didn't see it as that because that's the problem. We don't see these critics because we don't get to live in other people's heads. So we don't know that life can be any different. And so I was constantly like, "No, you've got to do this and you got to do that."

And then finally one day I was at a park with my son. And he was playing and I was sitting there. And I realized hours had gone by and I was still thinking about pickle ball. I was still thinking about how I had shown up. And suddenly it was like, “What is going on?”

I saw it and I finally realized the pain it was causing me. And then I realized, “Okay, this isn't pickle ball. Why am I doing this to myself?” And then I started going, “Okay, what is it about losing that hurts so bad? What is it that I'm making this mean about me to feel so painful? It's not the game. It's what I'm making it mean about me.”

And then I started just dig, dig, dig. And that was it. It was the classic sitting under a tree moment, contemplating who I was in this relationship to this new sport I was playing. And ever since I still play pickle ball and I use almost every opportunity as a laboratory to see myself in those moments.

I can see the transformation. I can see where I started and now where I am and how my relationship has changed not with the game but with myself. And so it's pretty cool to see that. And have a literal like transformation story and kind of lab to experiment with.


Jessi:

Yeah, that's absolutely amazing to take the same activity and it's just a completely different perspective. And now you can truly enjoy it I imagine.


Leigh:

Yeah. I do not care. [laughter] I just want to have fun. And old Leigh couldn't say that because the old Leigh's inner critic wouldn't let her. It would make me turn everything into a competition. Everything had to be intense.

And so it was understanding why and there's a lot there. But yeah, it became a mirror for me to see what I needed to work on.


Jessi:

And it sounds like it came out of curiosity. Like you just started pulling the thread and you're like, “Oh, this keeps going.” [laughter]


Leigh:

So yeah, a very thread pulling moment. I did not…It's kind of like, yeah, you see this little thing. You're like, "What's that?” And you go, “Oh my god, I did not realize what was waiting at the end of this.”


Jessi:

Yeah, I think curiosity is such a powerful tool for us just to shift out because like you said, we get so stuck in our head. We don't know what we don't know. But the curiosity can help us go in new directions and have that imagination.

And it makes it a little bit more fun honestly than just like, “Oh, that's hard inner work.” Like it's kind of daunting. But when you get curious, it's like, “Oh, that's interesting. And I wonder if I did this differently, what that would look like.” And you can take stock and like you said, just use pickle ball for self-development. I mean, that's amazing. I love that so much.


Leigh:

Yeah. It can be fun. I mean, there are parts that really suck. And you get angry and you get sad. And you feel remorse for your younger self. But then there's also these cool moments where you go, "Oh, this equals that."

And I also wanted to take a moment just to share because I think it's relevant and kind of on subject. But I think so often there are self-help people that come out into the world and say, "Well, just do this, just do that."

And nothing is that simple. Nothing is one-size-fits-all. And because we think of these threads that we pull, everybody's different. And when we listen to advice that comes in a one-size-fits-all package, and it doesn't apply to us, then we leave feeling more broken. And I think that can be so damaging. And I get very frustrated with people that give advice that sounds like that.

So, I just want to take that moment to let your listeners know that just because somebody told you to do something and it didn't work doesn't mean that they are broken. It just means that the person giving that advice was giving it based on their own situation and not to the person that was trying to implement that.

Everybody needs to figure out what works for them and love themselves through the process. Because the more we beat ourselves up, the harder it gets. So, I just kind of wanted to say that for a moment because I think people need to hear that sometimes.


Jessi:

Well, you touched on something I'm very passionate about, which is intuition. And I think that is our greatest resource for overcoming addiction, for changing habits, for really reaching our highest potential. And for finding genuine peace and joy in life again.

So, what role did intuition play for you? Sounds like you kind of had it with this pickle ball. You're like, "This is something that's important." You felt that call.


Leigh:

Yeah. I think the pickle ball there was some intuitiveness there. I also found myself in two jobs. I had left a job because I was unhappy. And then I looked up and I found myself in a very similar situation, also unhappy, two years later.

And I was like, “Oh my god.” Intuitively, I knew I was supposed to learn a lesson there. I didn't know what but I knew that. It was again another mirror like pickle ball was a mirror. This situation was a mirror.

And people can use that in their own lives when they find themselves in a relationship with a similar spouse or if they see a pattern in their life. That is an opportunity to do some reflecting on why. And that could become the message that they need to hear to help enable them to quit smoking. Like it could all go together.

So I encourage all of the exploration in one's life to uncover all sources of information. Because it's like a mystery in that all the clues could lead to the solution. So yeah, I think just intuitively listening and looking and observing around your world in general. And that's what I did. I used a magnifying glass to kind of start investigating everything I could.


Jessi:

Yeah. Then follow a new direction as well.

So you mentioned the tough parts of the inner work with the sadness and the anger, the emotional intensity. And that is so common for when people quit smoking. They are crying or they are yelling. These emotions like come exploding out of us because so many of us suppress by smoking. And it's got to come out sooner or later.

So I'm wondering what you did to work with emotions. Did you find some kind of acceptance? Was there resistance to those feelings? Sometimes they can feel so bad and unwanted once we condition ourselves that way. So, what did that look like for you navigating the anger and the sadness?


Leigh:

Lots of journaling. I did get angry. I did journal.

I also think though that there was a peace in the pain. Because I knew that it provided an answer and I was one step closer to a solution. And there is resolve in that.

Like you get frustrated and you do, again, have sadness for your younger self as you see these moments. But there is this hope that exists within that.

And I think that hope is what helped propel me. Because you know that you're in it and you're like, “Now I see it. And now that I see it, God, how great is life going to get? Wow, I get to spend the rest of my life on the other side of this information. I get to spend the rest of my life healed. And I get to experience a whole new world.”

And obviously that's, it's not like Aladdin. [laughter] Well it’s not where you're like crying on your floor or whatever and all of a sudden you start smiling and giggling. But I think journaling, I think feeling it, understanding it. But then letting that hope surface and provide a beacon out. And then think about what is waiting for you.


Jessi:

Absolutely. There is so much meaning in the pain. It helps us move forward, which it's so hard when you're in it. But you'll thank yourself so much when you do it.


Leigh:

Absolutely.


Jessi:

So, I think you said that beautifully and I'm wondering for just a quick word of advice for someone that's in it right now. They want to quit smoking. They're really struggling. Maybe every time they go to look at these painful parts, it's just a little too much and they don't think that they can handle it. What words of advice would you have for someone to encourage them that they can quit smoking and they can deal with these difficult sides of the fallout of that?


Leigh:

Yeah, I think it's being patient with themselves, showing themselves love.

Because again, so often when we don't do that thing and we're like, "Today is the day." And then tomorrow you wake up and you realize it wasn't. We start beating ourselves up and say, "Okay, it wasn't. I still love myself. I'm okay." Like, "Yesterday wasn't the day. And maybe today is not the day either.”

I really think it starts there: understanding that you have to be patient with yourself and then know that you do have to dig. And it's worth it.

Because again if I was to compare the smoking versus the drinking. It's like you can have a white knuckling experience or you can have one that's more indicative of healing and change. One that's more sustainable. And if that means that it's going to take a little bit more time and a little bit more patience with yourself to get there, it's worth it.

Don't white knuckle your way through. Do the work because you'll enjoy the results, not just in the outcome that you desire but in all aspects of life. This is not a single moment. It will pay dividends in all aspects of life and it's one thousand percent worth it.


Jessi:

Wise words. Thank you. And so how can listeners get in touch with you? Can you talk to us more about your work?


Leigh:

Yeah, as you mentioned, I also have a podcast. It's called This Seems Personal because it always is. It always comes down to what our worlds are.

And even if you're in a fight with somebody else, it's about them. Their world is about them. Your world is about you. And so I go in and I share a lot of my personal experiences and stories from my past. So that's on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, all the places.

And I have a website. It's leighgalll.com. My contact information is there. And I do speaking and coaching and would be more than happy to work with anybody that is looking to do some of this work on themselves. I can help facilitate that change in their life if they trust me to do so. But yeah, leighgall.com and This Seems Personal podcast.


Jessi:

Well, like I said, I really appreciate your work. I appreciate your experience and your vulnerability just coming in here and talking about some of this stuff.

Because I mean, I know it's what you do for your work. You're doing it all the time. But I always just appreciate it because so many of us keep those parts hidden. And when we do the work, we're like, "Cool, we're done. No one needs to know about it."

So, I love that you're shouting it out from the mountain tops and helping other people. Because it is tough to be in it alone. It is tough to understand that it's going to pay off and it's going to be worth it. To have somebody like that's gone through it and is rooting in your corner means everything. So, thank you for coming down here and thank you for sharing your story with us.


Leigh:

Yeah, I appreciate that. I feel like that's part of my mission now. I really do. I feel like I went through this to help be a mirror for others and so people can see themselves in my story and not feel alone. Because I felt so alone for so long. If I can help others not feel that way, then I've succeeded.


Jessi:

Well, that's the whole point of this podcast. So, thank you again and I'll see you next week everyone. Take care.

End of Interview

Leigh’s story emphasizes that if we overlook the underlying reasons we turn to smoking, we can easily wind up in other self-destructive patterns down the road, or simply miss out on living to our highest potential.

Leks faced a similar journey when she quit. She had minimal struggle with the act of quitting itself, but because she neglected restoring her nervous system, which had been calmed by smoking, she continued to experience other challenges. Leks was able to truly flourish once she became aware of her need for nervous system regulation and did the work to honor it.

Listen to Leks’s story on Episode 7 of You Can Quit Smoking.
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