What played a role in you picking up smoking? Was it your family dynamic? The way you fit in socially? Or maybe a way to soothe a busy mind and a restless nervous system?

In this episode, Jani takes a close look at how her early experiences shaped her habit, and how a sudden shift helped her find her way out for good.

Enjoy Jani’s story here on You Can Quit Smoking.

Jessi:

Hey everyone, welcome back. I'm here today with Jani, a personal friend that I'm so happy she could join us today and talk with us about her story.

So, welcome to the show. Can you introduce yourself to the audience?


Jani:

Oh, hi. Thank you. Thank you, Jessi. It's really nice to hear you and thank you for inviting me to the show.

My name is Jani Kacova. I come from Slovakia. I live in the UK. I've lived in four different countries.

I'm a full-time sculptor and also at the moment I'm transitioning a little bit. I'm about to combine sculpting and I'm finalizing to become a conscious coach. This is where I met Jessi.

And she's doing a great podcast and I'm really happy to be here and to join you and talk about my smoking path as well. Because I smoked a long time ago and actually, a lot. I was a heavy smoker when I was very very young. I'm 48 this year. So yeah, if I can help anyone, great.


Jessi:

I know it can. We all have our own way with things. You never know what's going to hit somebody in a certain way because we're really different.

As you know with coaching, we want to meet people where they're at and there's so much variety out there. So I love collecting these stories to see what people bring because you never know what is going to be the thing that really ignites somebody where they're like, "That's me. I have that same problem or that sounds like a really unique idea for me to try."


Jani:

Absolutely.


Jessi:

So I want to know more. What's your story with smoking?


Jani:

So I had a very difficult time growing up. I do come from, officially to say, a good family but the background of the family was very hectic. I felt unsafe as a child but from the outside it was very much seen as a very well established family. We really had everything physically but I would say that there was a lack of emotions, the lack of feeling loved and the care. So I think that would contribute a lot.

Plus I was severely underweight for some reason. I refused to eat. Now I'm actually diagnosed officially as autistic. So I would say that that probably had something to do with that. I was always a very fussy eater. The flavors were a lot.

So then as I was growing up, I experienced a very severe trauma that I couldn't talk about to anybody for many, many, many years. And it literally impacted my whole life and it will impact my whole life probably for the rest of my life. I would say that was probably a big hit.

Plus, being severely underweight, kids would laugh at me and make jokes at primary school. A lot of that actually was an impact. I was socially always very awkward. I would kind of like stay on the side because I couldn't understand the social communication despite always being called the pretty girl.

Which I know a lot of people have a trauma probably from the opposite. But people should realize as well that that's a heavy take as well. Especially if your mom puts pressure on that or you know people around you and they focus just on that. But you're pretty much viewed as someone who is unintelligent, as someone who is incapable which could be absolutely the opposite. Just based on the family and the surroundings and the way that you're being brought up, you can't actually grow and shine in the way that you need to.

And I think everybody has experienced that in general. And so all that has impacted me a lot. Plus I come from a very small hometown that is up in the mountains and actually it had a lot of drugs. Not something heavy but there were a lot of drugs. The usual marijuana and LSD etc.
I wasn't always drawn to things like that but I suppose being surrounded by people that were trying experimenting and I was part of that as well. Obviously it was an escape as always is.

So I started to smoke a lot once I left the country. I was 18 which was very unusual for the time being for someone coming from Slovakia. Because we were just past the communism time and it was very rare to travel in a country like the UK or Spain. It was still seen as quite exotic.

Now it's absolutely fine like Slovakia is incredibly developed. I would say that we have an extreme amount of very intelligent people that actually can get through in many ways. But you know the world is open now to people from my country which is great to know there are a lot of opportunities.

But for me at the time I left when I was 18, that was very difficult. And not just the move but I needed that. I clearly needed to escape the family dynamics and the way I was seen.

I'm going to mention autism because I think it's relatable and as well for people with ADHD as well. I think it's a way of very fast escape to go into smoking, drugs, etc. You know, anything that is addictive because it's almost like a pattern in behavior. So, I think that's where smoking becomes the easiest thing.

So, at the time, this was the year ‘97. So, the world for me was completely different. I traveled to Scotland where I actually live now. But in between I've traveled and lived in many countries.

Once again you develop the pattern of being around people that are very unhealed, prone to smoking, drinking, drugs, even though you might not be that person, but you are naturally just drawn to that and you don't know anything else. So, unintentionally when I studied photography, my flatmate was a lot into drinking, addicted to marijuana, and addicted to smoking as well. And that's where I kind of like just occasionally I would start to smoke.

I used to smoke when I was a teenager as well, just occasionally. I wasn't addicted yet. I didn't even like the flavor. But with the surroundings, you want to fit in, even more so if you already don't fit in a lot.

Being in Scotland, being in a completely different surroundings, everything was unknown. A lot of it was actually absolutely exciting. But on the other hand as well you are lacking the connections, the family, any kind of background, any kind of warmth. And I suppose this is how you compensate for it.

So the nervous system obviously shuts down. It was shut down for a long time and I literally didn't even know who I was. I was just kind of always, luckily, following my heart. But that means that you also tried things that you didn't want to try ever and were absolutely not good for you. I don't regret them. On the same hand, they didn't obviously serve me well at the time, but it was a lesson.

So everything was a lesson and luckily also as I always follow my heart and path, I never felt healthy with what I was doing. I started to smoke, for example, when we used to go out clubbing. I would even smoke literally straight on one night, like two packs of cigarettes. And it obviously developed as a habit, as a social habit predominantly.

So I would have a smoke in between as well. And then probably the movement of smoking, I think that's the most addictive part. Especially like back then we didn't recognize autism, ADHD, etc. neurodivergence. I think it's very connected to that.

Especially with ADHD people, you almost don't know what to do with your hands when you're hyperactive. Your nervous system is just going bonkers. You're overwhelmed up to a point that you just really grasp for anything.

So if smoking is available, if you're unaware of how to control your nervous system or how to soothe yourself a little bit or not to choose what is toxic. We've all been there. You know, some people have a lot more than others.

So I think this is like the easiest path to get onto the track of smoking because that's just available everywhere, right? It's legal. Cigarettes are available everywhere even though now it’s vaping a lot.


Jessi:

It was something that you knew wasn't feeling right. It didn't feel healthy. But what kind of pulled you out where you decided like this is something I need to quit? Were you trying to quit on and off? What did that look like for you?


Jani:

So, it is true. I did try to quit on and off. I basically didn't like the habit of it. I was aware that it's severely unhealthy. Even though I probably still had kind of a careless mindset at the time.

I didn't develop any healthy habits really. Even though I try to always touch the healthy base. I tried to be vegetarian and eat vegetables. Because I had a severe eczema which probably stems also from the nervous system being overloaded plus the smoking as well didn't serve me.

I was an atopic eczematic when I was a baby and when I was a small child up until actually probably teen years. And I think that's to do with the nervous system and the traumas etc. and just withholding a lot of stuff which obviously stemmed later into the smoking and other not so good habits.

So I tried to quit on and off a few times. Interestingly enough, it always was the first eight months that I would be fine. Especially the first period, it felt really so much lighter. What I really didn't like about it was that I smelled the smoke all the time and I can't stand the smell of the smoke.

Now looking back with such a distance in the time, I actually absolutely cannot smell even a little bit of the smoke of the cigarettes. It literally makes me sick. That makes me think that I must have been at the time also really not liking it.

But just somehow it served something to the nervous system. We all know that it does that right? You know it's the mentality as well. There's like a switch and you just kind of like feel maybe just the movement doing something. So it relaxes and soothes your nervous system.

So yeah, I tried to stop several times and it would always last about eight months. And after the eight months, the worst thing obviously was to start again. It was just taking that one cigarette because you're just going to have one and it's never one obviously. So you’re just kind of back in the track.

And then one day after several times… it always would make me so much sicker and I just really absolutely couldn't stand the smell of it. And that was probably what actually, funny enough, decided for me to stop. That one day I just woke up and I smelled cigarettes from my hair, from my clothes, from the bed, from everything. And I just couldn't take it anymore.
So I was like, "That's it, right? Like never ever."

And that was it. And I literally have stopped. I wasn't trying to develop any other healthier habits to compensate for that. I just literally got to the point that I said to myself, "If I don't stop, if I don't kick my butt that much, I will keep on looking for things that will be almost like an exchange for smoking. Then I will never probably stop because it will be one thing or another or another." So I just said to myself, "No, you have to stick with this." And I never thought about it since. Funny enough, that made me stop and that made me not to even think about it.

Even when I was around smokers, I would just instantly leave because it would bug me so much, the smell, that I just could not be around people smoking. Not that it would tempt me. I just literally like I could not stand the smell of it. And that was it. I literally stopped. I’ve never smoked since.

I don't drink alcohol for many, many years. I don't take medications, drugs, anything at all. I just love my body, my mind. It's such a massive difference. That's where the ideas come from: the healthy habits, the healthy ideas. You literally recover in so many ways that it's hard to describe.
When you go through that stage and you have done it for a few years, you literally know and you literally understand what I'm just saying right now.

It's like you discover who you really are. So, you don't dive for the quick things and quick fixes, but you actually do stand with the hardships of things. And it's like it's all connected. We can all be waiting for somebody to help us. But the fact is there is no help from the outside. It literally is up to us. And as hard as it sounds, it is the best way to do it. It’s to change the mindset.

And I understand that is the hardest thing for sure, to stand for your own self and who you really are. Because nobody was born to become a smoker or alcoholic or any other addictions. We are who we are. And we cannot see that while we're pursuing some really unhealthy habit. It almost clouds your brain, clouds your thinking, clouds your feelings, and just gives you the path of self-destruction. Yeah.


Jessi:

So, I want to get more into that mindset shift. So, it's really incredible that you were able to just stop on a dime.

And I thought it was really interesting that you were able to get eight months, that was your cycle. Because for many of us, it's much shorter. And so, that's amazing that you get those really long stretches. And it just goes to show that it's so much more than a physical addiction. And there was something going on emotionally with that.

And so I'm curious, do you remember what would draw you back after that eight months? Like you said, you’d end up just smoking one from a friend. But was there something that was like in your feelings that you're like just feeling overwhelmed? Like what would happen after that eight months where you're like, “I'm going to go back and do this.”? Or was it just mindlessness?


Jani:

So I think it's actually the habit of it literally. I would last for so long because I'm a big fighter. I always was. I was always kind of like different for this. The situation could be a very easy situation with nothing happening heavily or anything. But I think the habit is so strong and so easy to grasp for again that it's very difficult to fight it.

So I understand if there are people that find it so hard to quit. It is a very hard thing to do with any bad habit. It's a very hard thing to do. It is the pattern that is in us. There could be people addicted to alcohol that don't touch alcohol for 10 years. And there could be one day, maybe nothing even heavy was happening, but there could be some kind of..I don't know what it is.

You just kind of think that you're going to fight it again. You're just going to have that little. And it's never that obviously. It just literally just pulls you back. So I think it is that strong. And that's why I'm saying that one has to be stronger than that, to value yourself enough that you are going to stand by it as much of a temptation.

Or it doesn't even have to be temptation. It could be, as I say, like a tiny little innocent moment and somebody just passes you, "Oh, you want some?" And there you go. You know, you're just going to think like, "Oh, I'm going to have two pulls." No, you're going to have the two pulls. Maybe the next day you have one. And there you are buying a pack.

It is a very difficult thing to do. And I admire everyone who's trying. Don't beat yourself up, but definitely the discipline has to be well set. You kind of need to know where you are. You need to be in your mindset fully to allow yourself in that small moment that could just change it and shift it again into smoking to just to say to yourself, “Stop.”

And that is the hardest thing especially if you're surrounded by people like your friends that you’re used to hanging out with. It is a hard thing to do. There could be comments. They could be perceiving you as like "Oh, who are you to change this?” There's a lot of judgment.

But still, stick to yourself and stay who you are. Because in the long run it's a game changer. You're giving yourself a beautiful choice of life and it doesn't mean that hard things are not coming. Obviously you know life is full of hardships. But yeah still, you should stick with yourself and just love yourself enough not to go anymore for the toxic paths and habits that don't serve you at all.


Jessi at midroll:

We will get back to the conversation in just a moment.

If you are listening to today’s story and feeling a bit of that familiar tension in your own journey, I want to share a resource with you. We all know that a craving is just a temporary sensation, but when you are in the middle of it, that feeling can take up a lot of space.

I put together a free minicourse called How to Survive a Craving. It is a collection of the specific tools and mindset shifts I used to navigate those hard minutes and stay connected to my true desire to quit.

You can grab it for free at honoryourheart.net/craving so you have those tools ready for the next time you need them.

Now, let’s head back to today’s episode.


Jessi:

So, it kind of sounds like when you were doing those early quits and going the eight months that maybe you had that fighting energy, more of like the willpower route. Where maybe you wanted to do it but you were resisting that temptation to do it. And it sounds a lot different from when you finally quit where it seemed like it came with more ease.

Do I have that correct? Was there a difference in the way you felt about quitting where maybe there was more resistance in the early days and that changed? Was that kind of the mind shift that you had or was it difficult when you quit for good?


Jani:

As I said before, I was quite different in that I didn't like to be addicted to things. I'm quite an anarchist in my soul. So, I always follow my heart, my body. And it just never really fit well together.

So, yes, the first eight months, every single time was a very heavy struggle. And I think people usually give up within the first month, right? First month or two or three. And that's exactly what was happening with me. That was the hardest fight. And I still kept going.

And by the eight month, you're almost out of it completely. And yet here I was changing it again and just could not resist it for whatever reason. As I say, it wasn't anything big. It was always such a small moment. That tiny moment. I didn't just have like two pulls, which those two pulls by the way, always made me very dizzy, really sick. I didn't enjoy that at all. And yet here I was again. I kept going.

So the final time, as mentioned before, it literally was for me the smell of it. It just made me sick to my guts so much that I just could not smell it anymore. Maybe because I've tried a few times and had the eight months of actually knowing what it's like not to have that in my life. And it was wonderful, you know. I was like, "Oh my gosh, I smell lovely. I feel lovely."

I mean, there were obviously physical fights, because your body is asking for it. You're craving it. It's probably more of your mind as well. You know, it's definitely connected. So, the last time was just definite with the smell of the cigarettes.

As I said, now if I smell cigarettes anywhere, I'm just absolutely allergic. I can't stand it. I can't be around people smoking. I can't have dinner in a place outside on the terrace where you can't, separate the smokers as much and the smoke kind of blows in. I'm done with the dinner. I literally cannot eat food.


Jessi:

It helps you lose the desire. Definitely.


Jani:

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. It's just something that is so disgusting to me now. And I don't mean that people should be perceived as that. No, it's a really hard fight. It's just after years of knowing what it is like to have absolutely… well as much as possible a clean body because the food is nowadays not clean either.

But yeah, it's a game changer absolutely. I would never ever go back. I give myself the grace that I have done it. And that I have done it in the final steps with so much ease and just literally closed it off almost inside of me. My soul just could not take it anymore. I just couldn't. I was done with it and that's where I kind of felt like "Okay, no more." And I never looked back.


Jessi:

I'm curious when you were talking about having something to do with your hands and that nervous system kind of dynamic. What did you end up doing to adjust to that, to not having the cigarettes as a tool anymore? Did you develop new tools? Did you push through it? How did you end up doing it? Was it trial and error? What did you learn from taking that tool that you had away from yourself?


Jani:

I was always very physically active. I love walking. And I know that at the time even while I was smoking, I would probably walk quite a bit.

But I'm pretty sure that after that I would just walk everywhere like all the time and just exhaust myself. And I realized that it actually gave me a lot. Walking is such a positive thing. It changes your mindset. You perceive things while you're walking that are interesting to you. So yeah, there are so many shifts. So I would definitely highly suggest it.

Also I remember not just quitting smoking but fighting also that I used to have a very bad habit of eating sweets and chocolates. So I was severely addicted to it which it's possible that came actually after smoking. See, you kind of like exchange one addiction for another. And I was very quickly aware of like "This is not good."

So, I kind of decided to stop. I used to buy a pack of very tiny apples. And I am not very keen on apples, but I couldn't figure out anything else. Probably nuts would do the same if you're not allergic. But the thing with nuts is that you get really full very quickly because they have a lot of oil.

So, I would just buy a massive pack of small apples and I would try to eat an apple if the craving was really bad. And I think that obviously, that's a healthy thing. So, you know, you can have as many apples as you want. You're not probably going to be sick from that. And this is what I did for a little while. But I can't say it was an exchange. Maybe it would help me for sure.

The habit with hands, I was always fidgeting a lot as an autistic. I need to do something with my hands. So whether I was just twirling my hair or having a pen in my hand, I would always play with stuff up until now. I always play with stuff as I'm sitting and speaking here now. You know, my hands are going. So yeah, that's what I mean. It's very connected.

And I'm sure a lot of people actually smoke because they're neurodivergent as well. And they maybe don't realize it. Because still at the time where we are, I think there's still very insufficient info for a lot of people. A lot of people do not know much about it at all.

And I can definitely say from my perspective that it has a lot to do with that. Like you literally need to be occupied. You're so overwhelmed by your nervous system. I get very hyperactive at times. Then I go completely paralyzed. So, it's like the changes of that create a lot of tension in your nervous system.

And I think that makes you want to do stuff with your hands because it's almost a form of escape, I suppose. But it's natural. Unless you're peeling your skin off, which people do as well from the fingers, around the fingers or biting nails, etc. So, it's all connected.

I would say that the stuff to help with the movement of having a smoke with a cigarette, definitely find something. There's so many toys you can have in your hands, that you can be squeezing playing, pressing.

This is why I also think that I turned to sculpting, which helped me to ground myself incredibly. Because I was always very sensitive. I would see planets as a child. I would be completely differently connected to the world than I would perceive from other people around me that often they would have no idea what I'm talking about. So I stopped talking about things like seeing planets or feeling the movements of the planets.

I became a sculptor which is an earthy material. I literally work with clay. And that I mean anyone can be an artist, express yourself. I think people that are very prone to addictions should create. However whichever way it is, it doesn't matter if it comes out great or not.

That's my part of the coaching as well. I want to combine the healing of especially working with clay. It's such a profound material because you're literally having your hands in such an earthy material that is shapeable. You can do anything you want with it. You can experiment. You can explore forever because you squeeze it. You're constantly working with your hands. I can't describe how much of a help and complete life transformation it gave me.

And yeah, in years I'm self-taught. I didn't do any school for that. I studied completely other things and I just felt I needed that for years. And when my daughter was born, which was sixteen years ago, I just went to become fully a sculptor/ And I would never change any of this back. It literally gave me so much.

So people are a lot in themselves. They're locked up. Their souls are locked up. We were brought up in environments where.. It's neither helpful to blame parents because they definitely did their best. However bad it was. It sounds harsh, but obviously that's where we developed all sorts of toxic traits and habits. The more toxic an environment you have, the more you're kind of prone to addictions as well and find people with addictions, which is often the case, right? And domestic abuse, etc., etc., mental abuse.

So, yeah, like I would definitely recommend for smokers, maybe even write. A lot of people journal these days. You can turn it into poems. You can turn it just into writing. You can maybe read it out to other people or not. It's up to you.

Just try to find ways to be creative. I think it's a life changer for everybody. It literally saves lives. I mean a lot of podcasters, I don't know about you, Jessi, have spoken about this. But yeah, I would find this very helpful for anybody. Go create whichever way, whatever. Put matches together. Anything, just stay safe obviously.


Jessi:

Absolutely. Creativity is such an outlet for a lot of what we're carrying. And getting out of our head and getting that hand movement.


Jani:

Exactly.


Jessi:

With something like sculpting, something like writing, something active. And it's been very helpful to me. I noticed within myself that when I quit smoking, I had a huge surge in creativity.

And it sounds like you've had creative endeavors throughout your life, even starting very young. I'm wondering did you notice any change when you quit smoking? You were talking about having like that cloudy mind, that kind of disconnection with yourself. Did you notice a change with your art that you had easier access to your creative side after quitting smoking?


Jani:

Completely. Like I say, I don't drink. I've quit everything. Even at that time, actually.

Yeah, completely. Absolutely. It's very fast actually how quickly you can feel much healthier, less cloud over your mind. So, definitely absolutely. It's a beautiful thing to be able to stop and then to actually deeply observe yourself what it does, what changes it's bringing. Maybe write it down so you can always get back to it if you're maybe struggling or anything.

Because yeah, it was completely different. Yeah, it would just free up myself completely ,entirely as my body physically, as my creativity, as my mind. I felt good about myself, much better.


Jessi:

And you had a lot of advice throughout your story here with suggesting walking, suggesting creative outlets and mindset shifts.

But just to say a few words to somebody that's in it right now, maybe somebody that has autism or ADHD, and they really are reliant on smoking for their mental health. They don't understand how they could possibly get by in the world without smoking. It's really something they feel like they need to regulate and to feel okay. What words of advice would you have for someone that's in that situation?


Jani:

My very clear advice would be that you're worsening everything that you're experiencing through the smoking, through any toxic habit that doesn't serve your health or mind. However one doesn't see it at the time and feels only the struggle of quitting.

I get it. It's super hard. It's super hard already to go through neurodivergence. There is like so much going on. I wish people would understand how much is going on in one person within even half an hour. Your mindset, your body can change drastically from being hyperactive to being completely paralyzed, not being able to move etc. So there's like so much going on.

But smoking kills you. It literally kills you. Like we all know that. But it kills anything that you normally would maybe try to do because you can't get access to that mindset. It just clouds you so much that you think that is the only outlet and is not. It's the opposite. It actually blocks your pathways of thinking differently. It just doesn't serve you at all.

Your body may not feel it instantly and it does take time and it is difficult. But sticking with that, it's going to bring you so much more suffering like deep pain, emotional depression, very deep depression. It's definitely worth it to fight smoking.

And I get it. It's really really hard but you are so much more than that. Everyone is so much more than that however your background. Your surroundings, that will change essentially. You will be able to change that step by step. Don't put so much pressure on other things. Just focus on stopping smoking as a beautiful self-loving thing.

And not just like trying forever obviously. I get it that it's hard. And people go for patches. People go for the hypnosis. I've never done any of that. I always like to think that I am strong and I know my power. But without quitting these things, you will never realize your power and potential because they just overcloud you.

Everybody is beautiful. Everybody has so much more in them. But you just can't discover it because you have this habit and it's just your life. Your life literally becomes the habit so you can't see yourself.

So when you fight with the habit and just let it go gracefully and don't hold grudges or don't hold anger for yourself, but just let it go. You will be so much more. And you will find out who you really are and how many capabilities are within you.

And people would be surprised. Like I had no idea. I became such a brilliant sculptor that even now when I create something every single time I'm absolutely thrilled and amazed like "How is this possible?" And by now because I've done it for like 14 years and I've done like other creative mediums before. So I can definitely say that that's not even like fifty percent of my potential.

And I know that people are capable of such growth. Just believe in yourself. Nobody else has to believe in you. It's the harsh reality that people don't. People will let you down. Situations will let you down. Life will let you down and will bring so much hardship like hardcore lessons. But it doesn't mean that you have to give up on yourself because you're the only person that can change that.


Jessi:

For sure. Absolutely beautiful. Well, thank you so much for sharing that perspective and I think it's really hard to see when you're in it. So, it does take some trust. It does take some trust. But it's well worth it as you can attest to.

So, thank you so much. And how can people get in touch with you? Can you talk more about your work?


Jani:

As I mentioned, I'm a full-time sculptor and I'm going to be combining sculpting with coaching as well. And they can get in touch through probably on Instagram is the best. But I can hand out my email which is joukou.art@gmail.com. Or you can find me as joukou.art on Instagram or Facebook is just Jouko.

So I just want to say that for everyone just try. Even though you always feel like, “It's not worth it. Oh I can't.” Whatever self-talk is, don't listen. It's your mind just trying to test you with how much more you can fight with it. Don't. Just decide for yourself it's better for you and good luck to everyone.


Jessi:

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It's really inspiring and impactful. And there's a lot of little nuggets in there of truths and tips.

So, thank you so much for coming on here and being vulnerable because it's not an easy thing to talk about for a lot of people and I really appreciate your time. Thank you.


Jani:

Thank you Jessi for inviting me. Really happy to talk about it. I wish everyone the best.


Jessi:

Thank you so much again. Take care everyone. See you next week.


End of Interview

Jani just spoke with us about how creativity is amplified by letting go of habits like smoking that hold us back from living fully.

Monica also felt that disconnect from her creative side, and it served as a major part of her motivation to quit. Even though she did not consider herself an artsy person, she found other creative outlets incredibly useful for navigating the transition of quitting and finding more joy in life.

Listen to Monica’s story on Episode 4 of You Can Quit Smoking.