When did you start realizing that you wanted to quit smoking?

Amy knew it was time to move on at just 21 years old, but by then, she had already been a smoker for seven years. With her daughter as her main source of inspiration, Amy worked on shifting her identity, anchoring into her values, and laughing off the tension with humor to get through to the other side of the habit.

Enjoy her story here on the You Can Quit Smoking podcast.

Jessi:

Hey everyone, welcome back. I'm here today with Amy Jo Honey. Thank you for being here so much, Amy Jo. Tell us a little bit about yourself.


Amy:

I am a corporate sales trainer and I do back of the room sales for large seminar companies. "Publish a Book and Grow Rich" was one I toured with forever, and things like that. So personal growth. It's all personal growth at the end of the day, so that's really important to me. It's a very key element of my life.

Through that and through sales, I actually became a certified behavior profiler. I do sales training not based on the typical kind of sales that people do. It's more based on the natural understanding of how humans make decisions to buy


Jessi:

Interesting.


Amy:

And how we change our habits. At the end of the day, what I really am is a person that helps people make clarity decisions and change habits.


Jessi:

Well, we all need that. We all need some renewal and growth, so I appreciate that.

So, talk to us about smoking. What's your story with smoking?


Amy:

I grew up in the '80s. I just turned 57 last week.


Jessi:

Happy birthday.


Amy:

Thank you. I started smoking when I was about 13. Back then, my mom smoked. She'd say, "Don't do it." My dad hated it, but my mom still smoked in cars. We smoked on planes back then.

I was 13, not yet in high school. It was really funny because we were all trying to be cool. This girl who I thought was mega cool, I looked up to this girl. She was a smoker. And I was like, "Oh yeah, I smoke." But I'd never smoked before.

So she’s like “Oh, really?” She hands me a cigarette. I took this inhale on that cigarette and I wanted to cough so bad, but I did not. I forced myself not to cough. I blew that smoke out and I was cool. And I smoked from then on and when I got into high school a year later.

My mom smoked, so it was easy. I could smoke at home. I could do it in my bedroom, and they didn't notice that there was an extra smoker happening because I would just steal my mom's cigarettes too.

When I was 14 in high school, we actually had a designated smoking area. So, it was totally normal for kids to go in between classes and have a cigarette.


Jessi:

Wow.


Amy:

It was allowed. Yeah, just normal. Where we weren't supposed to smoke was in the bathroom, but we did that anyway. [laughter]


Jessi:

Got to find some way to rebel even when it's allowed. [laughter]


Amy:

Right.


Jessi:

What kind of relationship did you develop with smoking then? Even as a young person, when you were taking those breaks, did it feel like a stress relief? Was it a way to bond with friends?


Amy:

Yeah, I loved it. It was a connection. It made you feel cool. It looked cool. All the people in the movies were doing it. A lot of people that I looked up to did it.

So yeah, it felt cool. I loved the relationship to it. I didn't ever feel dragged down by it at all. Until I did [laughter]. And then that's when I quit. I smoked for seven years, and I quit when I was 21.


Jessi:

So, what changed then where you were thinking you wanted to quit?


Amy:

I was working as a cocktail waitress in bars. I was watching bad habits all around me like the alcohol and the stuff. And I didn't like it.

I was never really a big drinker. I actually quit drinking alcohol first. I wasn't an alcoholic or anything, but I had an experience. Can I get really raw and honest on here?


Jessi:

Yes.


Amy:

Okay so, trigger warning for anybody: I'm going to be talking about assault. If that is sensitive to you, please skip this part and go to the next. But take care of your mental health first.

So, I thought I had quit drinking because I was seeing the bad habits in the bars and didn't want that. I was seeing the same people come in and grin and being drunks and stuff. And thought I didn't want that.

But the truth is, I was assaulted, and the guy that assaulted me was drinking. The smell triggered me, and I literally quit drinking the very next day. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't smell it. It just made me sick.

My whole life, I'm still a non-drinker. I will drink once in a while, but it has to be super special circumstances. I have to be on vacation. I have to be with people that I feel really safe with. So maybe once a year I might have a drink or two.

But to this day, people will go, "Oh, are you a friend of Bill's?" It took me a long time to learn what that meant. But no, I literally just quit drinking because it triggered me.

I didn't know it until 30 years later when I finally admitted that it happened to me. I didn't tell anybody about it. I highly recommend EMDR therapy. It is a specific therapy that uses rapid eye movement. And it gets you to the point where you can talk about these things without being completely overwhelmed. I don't go there anymore. I'm at peace with all of that.

So, I had quit drinking already. As I was starting to get clear-headed, I was starting to think about health. I was a single mom. I had my daughter at 19. I was starting to think about health, about her, and how my smoking affected my child.

Then they changed the price of cigarettes. I think it went up to $2.75 at that time. I think they are around $10 a pack right now. I was doing the math and thinking, "$2.75 a day? That's a car payment!" Just out of rebellion, I decided I was going to quit. I think it was a combination of things.

I chose a date. I chose my daughter's birthday to quit because it was really for her. A month prior to her birthday, and I have quite the sense of humor. But I would literally light a cigarette up and say out loud with people in the room, "I am a non-smoker." I would say, "I am a non-smoker."

It would still feel good to me to this day to have a cigarette in my hand, but I would hate to actually smoke it. Like it would be, “Ugh”. It would literally make me very sick. I can't stand the smell of it. I don’t like to be around it. I'm one of the worst reformed smokers. I'm like, "You're 25 feet from the door, get away!" [laughter]


Jessi:

[laughter] Yep.


Amy:

I was real happy when they stopped smoking in restaurants. I was one of those people that was super happy about it.

So I said for a whole month that, “I quit smoking.” And then, I always purchased entire cartons of cigarettes. So when I stopped smoking, I had almost a whole carton left. The day I quit, I threw the first pack in the garbage.

But what I wasn't ready to give up was this little purse case. It kept my cigarettes in it with a little snap at the top. And it had a side purse that had snaps where I kept my money and credit cards. I wasn't quite ready to give that up yet. I still wanted to carry it. I don’t know why, I just did.

Since I still had the cigarettes, I knew people were going to ask me for them while I was working at the bar. People always asked me for cigarettes. They were going to forget that I didn't smoke anymore.

So, I went to the joke store and I bought cigarette loads. Do you know what those are? They look like a little wooden stick that you stuff into the cigarette. At about the second puff, it goes “Poof!”, and blows up like a cartoon. [laughter]


Jessi:

Okay. [laughter]


Amy:

I loaded the whole carton with them and carried them around. I got my friends over and over and over again with these loads.


Jessi:

Oh man. [laughter]


Amy:

It was the funniest thing. On the very last pack, I was kind of over it, I had been through a whole carton of these at this point. And I was like, “This will be fun.” So I just left the open pack on the bar. You would see from across the room who stole a cigarette. [laughter]


Jessi:

Yep, busted.


Amy:

I mean they could tear it off and light it still. But it was just very fun. [laughter]


Jessi:

Well, that's a lot to go through as a young person. I really admire that when facing that kind of struggle, you turned toward being healthier.

Some of us want to hurt ourselves when unexpected things happen and we're going through hardship like that. And so, it really stood out to me that you said, "Hey, I want to prioritize my health here." The inspiration from your daughter is absolutely beautiful, and to quit on her birthday is awesome.


Amy:

I had my daughter at 19, and I actually credit her for saving my life at that time. At that time, I was hurting myself. I was doing self-destructive habits. But when I got pregnant and suddenly it was about another life, it changed everything.

I think I would have gone down a whole different trajectory because I was homeless at 16. I was out on my own.


Jessi:

Yeah wow, that is not easy by any means.


Amy:

No. But I am very relentlessly positive. I am definitely a cup-is-half-full person.I think that relentless positivity is definitely good.


Jessi:

How was it then to start living healthily and prioritizing your well-being? What did that feel like? What changed in your life because of that?


Amy:

Well, it was rocky for a long time. I was not very stable, and I had a lot of help from my parents. Thank God at that point I had created a relationship back with them.

It's a journey. You don't really ever arrive, I don't feel like. The big thing for me through all of it has been looking at things and reframing them.

If you look back at your life at the things you didn't want to happen, there's always something around it that you can be grateful for. For instance, with my assault, I'm grateful that I'm a non-drinker. I'm grateful for the compassion it gives me for other people who have been through it. There's always something.

It's about taking a look around and realizing life is happening for you, not to you. I recently had a crazy situation where my husband of 20 years decided he was done and just left. It turns out to be the best thing that's ever happened to me! I'm so happy.


Jessi:

Yeah, you never know where those struggles are going to lead. It's so hard to see when you're in it, but when you look back, you can understand a little bit better.

That's how I feel about smoking. I spent so much time. It’s taken a lot from me. But looking back, I couldn't be where I am if I hadn't gone through all that. I couldn't appreciate what I have if I hadn't lost some of it. We gain things from it as well: wisdom, resilience, experience, and connection.

So I’m with you on that. But it’s so hard to see when you are in it. No one wants to hear that when they are in it. [laughter] It takes hindsight.


Amy:

It really does. How long did you smoke for?


Jessi:

15 years.


Amy:

Oh, wow. That’s a long time.


Jessi:
I started at 13 as well, so I know what it's like to fall in young.


Amy:

Yeah, you do it when you're young and dumb. [laughter]


Jessi:

Yep. [laughter]


Amy:

I told my daughter for years not to smoke, and she never picked it up. Kids these days kind of don't. My grandson has no interest in it either.


Jessi:

They’re vaping.


Amy:

They have vaping, but she's not interested in that, thank goodness.

I always told her, "It's pointless. It does nothing. It doesn't even get you high! Don’t do it." I can kind of understand having a drink to get a buzz, but smoking does nothing. What does it really do for you?


Jessi at midroll:

Before we get back to the rest of the story, I want to speak to the pregnant moms listening. If you are navigating the stress of pregnancy while trying to stay smoke-free, please know you don’t have to do it alone.

I created The Heart Within Sponsorship as a completely free, safe space for you to find emotional resources and community support. You can join us today by visiting honoryourheart.net.

Now, let's get back to today's show.


Jessi:

It gives you that sense of identity. You were talking about that with quitting, declaring that you were a non-smoker. Do you think that really helped you with that transition? How was it when you were actually quitting? Did you have physical withdrawals, discomfort, or anxiety?


Amy:

No, it was very easy. I think I was ready because I prepped myself. What you say after the words "I am" is really important. If you claim "I am" something, your brain thinks that it's true.

I tell people to be careful when they say, "I am tired." Your brain's going to go, "Boom, make it so." Don’t be that. Maybe your body is tired, but don't make it an "I am" statement. When I made that "I am a non-smoker" statement, it was really powerful and worked really well.

The other thing I did was go to an acupuncturist. They have these little ball bearing beads that they tape in your ear, and when you feel like you're craving something, you rub it and it stops the craving. That's another really cool thing you can do.

Another unconventional thing I did: if you go to the herbal store, they have licorice sticks. They are actual sticks from a licorice tree that taste like sweet licorice. If you chew them, they help detox your body faster to get the nicotine out of your system.

I found that when I had certain routine habits like getting up in the morning, sitting down with coffee, and lighting a cigarette. So it’s like, “Now what do I do?” Those were the moments when I would want a cigarette the most. If I could distract myself for even 30 seconds, it would shift and I would forget about it.

The first day, I thought about it a lot. The second day was less, and by the fourth day, I was good. So there were three days where I was really in my head. That’s nothing.


Jessi:

Right, you had a really strong intention. So did you start feeling any differently, either physically or emotionally?


Amy:

Immediately I felt better about myself. And I just felt better at that time. How much time I had wasted going and smoking a cigarette.


Jessi:

Right, it’s crazy.


Amy:

I had that time back too and it would infuriate me sometimes.

I’m a former gym owner. I’m way into health and fitness. And I help people. And my nurses are the worst ones because they would always take smoke breaks. And I would just sit there and be like “Okay, I’m just working.”

It was infuriating sometimes, not taking those breaks. But at the same time, I was so glad not to have that monkey on my back.


Jessi:

Yeah it can be awkward with those breaks. And depending on what group you’re with sometimes those barriers are lifted and then other times it’s like, “I’m the odd one out.” So if you can get comfortable with that.

Especially for those like us that started young with friends, with that need to belong, to fit in. Coming into that self-acceptance where it’s like, “Yeah I’m okay not fitting in with this thing I don’t even want to be doing.”


Amy:

Yeah maybe I need to fit in with someone else, like martial artists. They look healthy. [laughter]


Jessi:

[laughter] Yeah.

So when you quit, was it the first time you had tried to quit?


Amy:

Yep.


Jessi:

Wow! So you had no interest in quitting before then? You didn’t see any ill effects in your life?


Amy:

No. Maybe I thought about it, but not really. The only other time I kind of quit a little bit was when I was pregnant. The doctors at that time were like, "Don't quit, at least have one cigarette a day because it's worse for the baby to quit cold turkey once you're pregnant." I don't know if that's true, but I cut back quite a bit then and started right back up as soon as she was born.


Jessi:

For someone listening right now who wants to quit, but they're nervous and don't know what their life is going to look like. How they’re going to get by in those situations they are so familiar with: those work breaks, after their coffee, after their meal. It’s something they are really relying on and so they are nervous to give that up. What words of advice would you have for them?


Amy:

One of the things is to really look at it. If you're serious and you really want to quit, write down the money you spend. Write down the time you spend. Really put it on paper and write down the pros and cons of this habit. What is it really giving you?

See if there are ways you could replace that feeling with something else: dance, movement, playing an instrument, writing, painting, starting a business.Think about a goal you really want. Does smoking align with that goal? Will you really get it if you continue smoking?

I can take your listeners through a quick visualization exercise if you'd like.


Jessi:

Yeah.


Amy:

If you're driving, don't do this. But if you're somewhere where you can safely close your eyes, go ahead and close them.

Visualize a timeline above you, and you see two paths. One path is a path where you keep smoking, and the other path is a path where you are not smoking.

Let's go all the way down the path where you're smoking. Go to your deathbed and really see yourself there. The monitors are blinking, the lights are going, and your family is gathered around saying goodbye. Do you regret not quitting? Do you regret where your health is? Do you regret what your family is going through right now as they watch your health decline?

The good news is that didn't happen. Let's go back to where you're at right now and see those two timelines again. Let's go down the timeline where you quit smoking.

Follow that line down five years from now as a non-smoker. What does your house look like? Who is around you? How do your clothes smell? How do you present yourself when you walk into a room?

Now let’s take that line and go 10 years into the future. You see yourself and your family around you. How do they feel that you quit smoking? Are they happy? How do your friends feel? Are they celebrating you? Are you healthy, vibrant, and feeling good?

Feel how that feels. Smell what the clean environment smells like around you as a non-smoker. Let it all come into your body and sink in. How do you feel about yourself? Are you proud of yourself?

All right, come back to the timeline above your head, open your eyes, wiggle your fingers and toes, and come back to this space.

It's just a way to see what your life could really look like and how it affects the people around you. Maybe you don't care about yourself enough right now, but at least maybe there's somebody you care about. That’s what it was for me. That was my daughter for me. I cared enough about my daughter to make the change. I didn’t care enough about myself, and that’s the truth.

When you're really in the middle of a struggle, I use what I call the humor mindset. Think three or six months down the road and you look back. When you retell the story later of the hard thing that happened, you usually retell it in a funny way. What if we could find the funny faster?

When you're in it, ask yourself: "How am I going to tell this story in a funny way later?" It pulls you outside of yourself to become an observer, helping you solve the problem from a different camera angle.

I have a three-step process: What happened? What do you want? What action can you take?

When something happens that you don't want, state what happened with no emotion and no story. Not, "Oh, I'm smoking because I'm stressed." Just: "I am smoking." Then: "What do I want?" "I want to be a non-smoker." Then: "What action can I take?" Take one action toward becoming a non-smoker.

Even if you're confused, do any action. Stand up, do a jumping jack, walk into the kitchen, or make a phone call. Any action gets you unstuck from where you're at in the moment.


Jessi:

Those are all great exercises! I like how they employ different parts of us: imagination, creativity, and connection with our future self. And then it’s like, “Okay, get out of your head. Detach emotionally.”

There’s all these different aspects we can pull in depending what we need in a given time. For an emotional state, maybe it's time to detach. And if we’re detached and just in our own logic, maybe it’s time to get emotional to connect to what this is all about.

Thank you so much for sharing those.


Amy:

My pleasure!


Jessi:

How can people get in touch with you, and can you talk more about your work?


Amy:

AmyJoHoney.com is my main website, and you can find me on social media under my full name. I am an advocate for habit transformation and a huge women's advocate. If you want to reach out and connect with me, I absolutely love connecting with people.


Jessi:

Right on. Thank you so much for coming on, sharing your story, your experience, and your wisdom with us. I really appreciate it.


Amy:

My pleasure! Thank you for having me, Jessi. I look forward to talking to you again.


Jessi:

Yes, me too. Take care, everyone. See you next week


End of Interview

As we just heard, Amy held a lot of wisdom as a young person who had been through much hardship, but she intuitively followed the calling to her own unique path out of smoking.

Clem shares a similar story. Clem developed a lifestyle around smoking that seemingly helped soothe her anxiety and ADHD symptoms. But with a strong sense of self-awareness, Clem began to understand that her pattern was not adding to her life, and through quitting, she found self-care to be a much greater tool for alleviating anxiety.

Hear Clem’s powerful story on episode 23 of You Can Quit Smoking.