Do you have a partner who smokes too?

While we can’t force anyone to change before they are ready, having someone close working alongside you can be extremely supportive to you in following through quitting smoking.

Today, Trevor shares his story of smoking, which started relationally. It makes perfect sense to end the habit relationally as well.

Enjoy listening here on the You Can Quit Smoking podcast.


Jessi:
Hey everyone, welcome back. I'm here today with Trevor. Thanks for being here. Trevor, can you introduce yourself?


Trevor:
Hi. Yeah, I'm Trevor Clumpner. I'm a comedian out of Appleton, Wisconsin.


Jessi:
Nice. So, talk to us about smoking. What's your story with smoking?


Trevor:
Oh, man. Let's see. I started smoking when I was around 11. I would watch my mom smoke all the time, which I feel like is the constant story: that we watched our parents smoke.

She smoked Marb Reds and I wanted to because, I don't know, your mom just looks cool, I guess. So, I took a cigarette and lit it like I would see her do it. But I did it backwards and then it just I was like, who wants this? Why would anyone do this?

And then when I got older, I remember I was like 11, and my friend, his parents rented out this trailer on their property to someone. Of course, my first smoking experiences are in a trailer. And she just had these cigarette butts just littering this porch area. My friend would be like, "Yeah, just take a butt and smoke it." And then that was when I really started trying to smoke, and yeah, that was when it all started for me.


Jessi:
You started smoking as a kid then. So where did it pick up where you’re getting your own, doing your own thing with it, not just at your friend's house? Like when did it become more of a daily thing?


Trevor:
Probably like high schoolish. I just remember my dad smoked Camel Wide Lights, and my mom smoked Marb Reds. They would buy cartons of them and they would keep them in the freezer. I don't think they realized how much they smoked because I would just be stealing packs all the time and they would never ever say anything.

And so I think I stole my dad's more than my mom's just because I think he smoked more, so I don't think he would question it if he was going through them so quick. I would grab those, and then me and my friends would all just share out of that pack because we didn't have any money.

And if we couldn't get those, the same guy that I started smoking with, his brother would buy us packs. That's back when cigarettes were like $3.50 a pack, I think. I don't know how old you are…


Jessi:
34. I remember they were $4. [laughter]


Trevor:
But yeah, so that's when it really picked up for us smoking, me and all my friends. Yep.


Jessi:
So how were you feeling about yourself picking up smoking as a young person? Did that change as you got older?


Trevor:
Back when my parents were smoking in the house and stuff like that, there definitely wasn't a stigma with smoking. I still feel like there really wasn't a stigma even among my friends or like people I went to high school with. I mean, a lot of them weren't smoking, but no one ever really said anything about it or cared.

I don't know. It was the whole trying to be cool thing really. I was into skateboarding and listening to like rock and roll, the devil's music. And so yeah, I felt cool doing it.

There are so many pictures I see that come back on Facebook memories that are just me and my friend striking poses while smoking. Like who did we think we were, you know?

Like this particular one, it's my friend, he's driving his car. And my other friend is in the front seat, and I'm in the back seat. Whoever has the camera angling in a weird way, and we're all just thinking like we're the coolest people.

Or I think there were some senior photos that were taken on our last day of school where we all had cigarettes in our mouths, just thinking we're the coolest people in existence. But yeah, so it was cool when I was smoking at least then in the high school era.


Jessi:
And did that change when you went into adulthood?


Trevor:
So after high school, I went into the military, and a big part of the military is also smoking. Military and serving are so similar because the only time you get a break is when you're smoking really. And so a lot of people in the military smoke, and then after I got out I was still smoking.

I'm trying to think when I started really questioning it. You might be a little too young to remember this, but there was a time when I first turned 21 where you could still smoke in the bars. Even as a smoker, I hated that. When you smoke, you smell like smoke, obviously. But I would come home and we would just reek, like it was crazy.

And I remember shooting pool and not being able to see my friend on the other side of the pool table and being like, "Alright, this is ridiculous." So that's when I remember first being like, “I don't know if we should be smoking. At least being indoors, smoking is crazy.” My parents smoked indoors, smoked in their cars. I never did that.

Then after that I moved. I was doing music. I was a musician at that time. So I was with a lot of bands, also still in a heavy drinking and smoking culture. I had been thinking about quitting since my 30s. Tried here and there, nothing longer than like two weeks.

Probably, man, I had to be like 35, 36 when I really started considering it. There were a couple factors that made me want to quit smoking. One of them was there are stand-up comedians who smoke, but there's not as many as you would think.

I was fairly new. I was probably like a year or two years into doing comedy. It's a big opportunity. Preacher Lawson, he was a standup comedian on America's Got Talent.


Jessi:
Okay.


Trevor:
He was at the comedy club that I worked the door at, and he offered me a guest spot. Which means I get to go up and do like five minutes before he goes on stage. It was my first time getting a guest spot doing anything.

And so I get up there. I crushed. I did really well. It was like a really big moment for me. I got off stage and he was like, "Oh, dude, that was sick. That was awesome." And he gave me a big hug.

I had been nervous about that. So I had been chain smoking cigarettes all day thinking about this guest spot. And I could smell myself, which means that he could definitely smell me. And I've just been so I've been mortified about it. Just like that is so embarrassing that he probably had to be like, "Ugh."

And then my girlfriend, she has a lot of lung issues. She was smoking too. And then one day she woke up, she goes, "I have to be done. If I smoke, I will die. And I can't do it unless you do it." And so I quit with her. And then we just haven't gone back since.


Jessi:
Oh, that's awesome to have support with someone doing something you want to do but that can help you follow through on it and stick with it.


Trevor:
Even though I was doing it for her, at the same time that support also carries over to me too. Because she's also not doing it, like it makes it a lot easier for me.

And because a lot of comedians, at least in my comedy scene, they don't really smoke. I never felt pressured to smoke. And I'm not a big drinker either. You know, everyone says that you drink and smoke, they go together. And it's true.


Jessi:
Yeah, I'm imagining Dennis Leary right now. Like he's the first thing I think of when I think of a smoking comedian. But yeah, I can imagine that it's definitely lost its popularity. And vaping is more of a thing. I don't know if you see that in the comedy scene either.


Trevor:
Yeah. I mean, I see there are vapes on the table or something. But I think people are also moving away from that and even to go back to smoking. Like I feel like it's got to be worse.

Pouches are like the new big thing, which I think probably also aren't good for you. But I can't imagine it being worse than literally inhaling carcinogens into your lungs with a bunch of other chemicals.


Jessi:
Yeah. I mean, it's in your gut, so it's going to go in some way.

But did you have any of that? Did you do any substitutes? Did you go cold turkey? Did you wean? How did that quitting process look like for you?


Trevor:
All the times I tried quitting before, I had. I think I tried the gum. In basic training, you can't smoke. And so I remember they gave us patches and those worked. But the second I was able to smoke again, I smoked because I was 18. I was an idiot.

And then I tried weaning. I think I've tried vaping a bunch of times too, but nothing. Doing the cold turkey with the support is what really kicked it off where I was able to finally do it.


Jessi at midroll:
We will get back to the conversation in just a moment.

If you are listening to today’s story and feeling a bit of that familiar tension in your own journey, I want to share a resource with you. We all know that a craving is just a temporary sensation, but when you are in the middle of it, that feeling can take up a lot of space.

I put together a free minicourse called How to Survive a Craving. It is a collection of the specific tools and mindset shifts I used to navigate those hard minutes and stay connected to my true desire to quit.

You can grab it for free at honoryourheart.net/craving so you have those tools ready for the next time you need them.

Now, let’s head back to today’s episode.


Jessi:
Did you have a lot of emotions that came up? It can look different for everyone. You know, they have the identity shift, they don't have any cravings. Like, what did that look like for you? Did you have strong cravings? How did you handle that?


Trevor:
I still do honestly. It's all about what's going on. Like a big trigger for me was always… because I live in Wisconsin. You know, a big part of our year is covered in snow.

And that sun comes up, that first couple spring days, I just want to be outside having a cigarette, drinking something. That's such a romantic viewpoint I have on it. Those are when I really get the cravings for sure.

Sometimes right before I go on stage, I crave it a little bit. I want that little like kick, that little sharp..they say it helps you focus. Stimulant.. Sometimes I feel like, "I just want something a little kick there."

But at the end of the day I don't need it. And I've been watching my girlfriend holding these little sticks from popsicle things, and I see her like, mimicking, and I'm like, "Oh, what's going on?"


Jessi:
Yeah, that hand to mouth can be so hard to break. Was that a thing for you?


Trevor:
I chew gum now pretty frequently. Yeah. Just because I feel like it keeps my mouth busy. But I never feel like I have to put anything in it like a stick or mess with a toothpick. That was never a problem.

My relations to it were more just having an excuse to be outside, I guess.But who needs an excuse to be outside? It's beautiful.


Jessi:
[laughter] Totally. I grew up in the Midwest, too. I grew up in Illinois.

And to get that outside time in the winter is kind of rough. Like, you can't really get up for it unless you're like, "Oh, I've got to go have my smoke. I have to go out." So yeah, I can kind of get that too that it's nice to step out into that fresh air even without actual fresh air. Not the cigarette, but... So you just go outside now when you have that feeling?


Trevor:
I mean, I just go outside anyway. I like to take walks and stuff. Like I said, I don't get the cravings as bad as I used to, but it's just on a particularly nice day is when I'm like, "Oh, wouldn't it be nice to have like a coffee outside in the morning, you know, with the cigarette?" That was like a thing that me and my friends used to do back in our 20s.


Jessi:
Did you have to change any habits like that? Like some people they can't do coffee on the porch anymore. They got to have their coffee somewhere else. Did you have to change any of your habits that you started associating with smoking, or did you just keep everything but the smoking?


Trevor:
Not really. Yeah. Because I literally don't want to watch my girlfriend die from a lung issue, I was like, “You're done now. That was a childhood thing and now you're over it.”


Jessi:
That's a really strong motivation. And yeah. So do you feel more like an adult? It was a big part of my childhood to let go of that because I started at 13. So I get that.


Trevor:
I don't think I'll ever feel like an adult. Honestly, standup comedy doesn't feel like a real job. But I feel better for sure. I feel better about myself.

Now whenever I see someone smoking, I feel bad for them. Because I remember having to smoke all the time. Yeah. It always makes me sad.

Smelling it makes me sick. That's the big thing. People are always like, "Oh man, I miss smoking. I really miss smoking." I miss the idea of smoking, but that smell, I always hated that smell. And so like if I ever even catch a whiff of it, it makes me sick. Like I'll get heartburn.


Jessi:
Yeah. What other changes have you seen? You talked about the smell of the smoking. Has your sense of smell gotten stronger?


Trevor:
Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Taste. My teeth are so much whiter now. It's crazy.

I just went in for a teeth cleaning recently, and I just got dental insurance not that long ago. So, it was my first teeth cleaning in probably like 10 years. And they're like, "Oh, like your teeth look fine, but on the backs they're pretty yellow." And I was like, "Yeah, I used to smoke, like three years ago." And they're like, "Oh, totally." And like now, my teeth are not perfect, but they're much better than they were.


Jessi:
Yeah, same. And then emotionally, do you feel different like going up on the stage? Like does that confidence carry that way? And do you feel like you belong more in any way with others that aren't smoking?


Trevor:
It's crazy. I used to think that I wouldn't be able to like… because there are some comics that smoke. And even to go outside and like hang out with them, I used to be like, "Oh, that could be a trigger for me. Maybe I don't do that."

That doesn't even bother me anymore. I can literally stand in a circle with a bunch of smokers and not even worry about it. And I've worked with some comedians who will even smoke in the green room. I mean, it's icky. Don't get me wrong, it's going to be on my clothes now, but it doesn't bother me.

I did a show a couple weeks ago at a cigar place while people are literally surrounding the stage smoking cigars. I hated the smell of it. I hated how my shirt and clothes were going to smell when I left. But it didn't like bother me in that way. It made me a little nauseous, but yeah.

No, I don't think I feel confident related to it.. I do feel better about myself not smoking, and so that relates to confidence. I never thought about it like that. That's interesting.


Jessi:
Yeah. And this is kind of personal so you don't have to answer it. But I'm just wondering about your relationship with your girlfriend. Has that changed too? Do you guys have something stronger? Like going through something like this, this huge habit shift and being successful in that. That's a big deal.


Trevor:
Yeah. I guess it shows we can trust each other. A trust stone is in place. That can translate to so many other things in relationships as well.

But also it's like we know the other person is rooting for us, you know? Or there was an instance where she almost smoked. I remember because she called me about it. And I was like, with us quitting I wasn't the factor of it, right?

I was like, "Well, if you want to, if you're going to do it, you're gonna do it." You know, like, "I'm not gonna tell you not to, but know that would be very disappointing for the fact that I've put in the time." And so she was like, "No, he also stuck with this for me, so I should really not do that."

And then I also think about that there have been instances early on in quitting where I've been like, "Oh man, I really want to have a cigarette right now." And I’d be like, "No, she's really counting on me. I know that this would really be a betrayal of her trust and I can't." Because once you lose trust, you lose trust. It's so hard to get back. It's not worth it.


Jessi:
Yeah. And just too, because I also quit with my partner. And it's just like to not watch them hurt themselves anymore somehow was helpful to me. Like even though I was doing the same thing, it's just like, I don't want to see you hurt yourself. So I'm not going to hurt myself. It helped me kind of have that.


Trevor:
Yeah. That's a good way to look at it, too. She doesn't smoke anymore, but she still has the same lung issues that she already had. They don't just magically go away. And so just thinking about her smoking on top of that is insane to me.


Jessi:
Yeah. Well, that's an awesome story and I'm so glad that you're able to get to the other side and find something better.

I'm wondering for somebody that's in it right now. They're struggling. They want to quit. Maybe they've tried different things like you. They tried vaping. They tried patches and they're like burnt out and don't even know what to do anymore. They've lost that trust in themselves. Like you were talking about the trust issue. What words of advice would you have for someone that's in that position?


Trevor:
Just like anything in life, you just have to keep doing it. You know, even if you fall short, you move on to the next day. It's the same thing with weight loss, any type of lifestyle change. It's like you're going to screw up. You're going to make mistakes. Acknowledge you made the mistake and move on and just try to do better the next day.

This has probably helped me a lot, but I wasn't aware of it, but I wasn't around people who were smoking. If you have friends that smoke, and unfortunately that does stink, but you probably should take a break hanging out with them for a little bit. You're going to want to smoke with your friends because you have that pathway created.

Don't beat yourself up for falling short, but also make sure that you are setting yourself up for as much success as possible in it.


Jessi:
That's great advice. Thank you. Yeah. And so, how can people get in touch with you? Where can they see you? Where can they find you?


Trevor:
So, I’m constantly on tour. If you're in the Midwest area, even some southern areas, you can go to my website, trevclumpnercomedy.com. It has all my tour dates. If you want to follow me on all social media, it's @trevorclumpnercomedy.


Jessi:
Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on, sharing your story with us.


Trevor:
Thank you. This is great. I hope this helps someone.


Jessi:
I really appreciate it and just take care everyone. I'll see you next week.


End of Interview

While we can’t rely on it solely, quitting alongside someone we care about can be the push we need to leave smoking behind for good, just as Trevor shared with us today.

Liz was also able to quit with a partner, but with a massive added challenge: she was living with someone who smoked indoors! Liz’s story shows that even when faced with constant temptation and adversity, we can still rely on our own determination and the support of those who care about our wellbeing to stay quit.

Hear Liz’s story on Episode 19 of You Can Quit Smoking.