Do you think of yourself as a person who feels deeply?

That’s exactly how Sarah connected to smoking and vaping. She found that it allowed her to blunt her emotional intensity. After a long struggle with quitting, followed by a phase of rapid spiritual growth, Sarah learned to work with her body and her identity to finally move on from vaping for good.

She shares her beautiful transformation on this week's episode of You Can Quit Smoking.

Jessi:
Hey everyone, welcome back. I'm so happy to be joined by Sarah today. Thank you for being here, Sarah. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?


Sarah:
Thank you for having me on. I'm really excited to be here. I am Sarah Grady. I'm an environment architect, a pattern seer, and the creator of the Unapologetic Mother method.

I don't teach people how to force change. I show them how to create the conditions where change becomes natural because the body finally feels safe enough to let it happen.

So, that's pretty much me. I'm also a mother of four. I tend to do all the things and also not all the things, all at the same time.


Jessi:
That's a lot! I really appreciate you making time for us today. I would love to talk to you about smoking. What's your story with it?


Sarah:
It's a wild one. I started smoking back in 2002 when I was 14 years old because everyone else around me did it. My parents did it. And even though I swore up and down I'd never be that person, my friend group at the time did too. I was that classic stereotype of wanting to be cool because everyone else was doing it.

But the first time I tried it, I knew that it was filling something within me because I noticed I didn't feel as deeply. As the years went on, I realized that if I smoked, my emotions numbed out and I wasn't as sensitive, which was a criticism I used to hear a lot.

Eventually, I quit for about 15 months. But then life got real: my dad passed away, and I turned right back to smoking in my grief. I just couldn't hold that change. I couldn't sustain it.

A few years later, I met my husband and we started planning our wedding. The stress of wedding planning led to me drinking more, which wasn't normal for me. I realized that when I would drink, I would allow myself to smoke. Finally, I thought, "If I'm going to do one, I'm just going to choose that."

So I went back to smoking full-time because it helped me handle the stress of everything we were doing. We were bringing our kids together into a blended family, planning a wedding, and learning our new normal. It was just a lot for my nervous system.

Then when COVID hit, I knew that I didn't want to smoke cigarettes anymore. So I turned to vaping. Everyone told me it was worse. But even back then, I listened to my body. I could tell that when I used a vape versus smoking, I could breathe better. I decided to listen to my body and use vaping as a step-down method to try to be done with smoking for good.

The transition worked, which was great because the two times before that I had quit smoking, I always still craved the smell. I would stand next to smokers and ask to smell them, which is weird.

But this time, I couldn't stand to be around cigarette smoke. It actually made me nauseous, which made me realize the switch was definitely helping me. But then I couldn't let go of the vape.

Later on, my husband and I went through a near-divorce and a deep spiritual awakening where my entire life transformed. Last year, I hit a moment where my body was telling me I needed to upgrade. I hit some blocks that I knew were energetics inside my body, and I needed to let go of vaping. But I couldn't do it.

I knew I couldn't force it. After everything I had built, I knew that force, shame, and guilt were tools I was no longer willing to use. That's how I had quit before, and both of those times didn't last. I always went back. So I asked myself, "How can I quit while also doing it in a way that feels sustainable?"

Funny enough, I hit a deep health issue, and in March of 2025, I wrote on a sticky note: "I am a non-vaper. I no longer use nicotine to numb. I am free to feel my life fully, freely, and unapologetically." That's my tagline and the legacy I want to leave: to live unapologetically free.

I decided to try to reprogram my identity and live inside that reality before it actually manifested. I put the sticky note up on my wall right next to my bed, and then I forgot about it. I'd look at it every now and then. But I just left it there and trusted that my life's journey and my environment were leading me where I needed to go.

There was a whole lot of mess and chaos along the way, don't get me wrong. But then one day in August of 2025, right at the end of the month, I walked into my local vape store. I saw my regular people. They're all my friends because I was in there all the time and I just adore them.

There was one specific vape that caught my eye, and I asked, "What is that?" It was called Razledazzle. They looked at me and said, "Oh, that's our new 0% nicotine vape."

I felt a physical shift in my body. I thought, "Well, dang it. I guess I'm ready. I think I want that." I bought it, knowing I was on my way to go see family members, which was a massive trigger for me. I always had a hard time being around family without having my "pacifier."

I used that 0% vape the entire evening. I do not recommend trying to drive 45 minutes while your brain is actively letting go of nicotine, but I did it. A week and a half later, I put the 0% vape down, and I never went back.

It was the craziest thing to me because the two times I quit before, I had to completely force myself. The first time, I used the medication Chantix, which gave me crazy nightmares. So I vowed never to use it again. It worked for 15 months, though. The second time, I used the nicotine patches, which was rough, but I made it for about 18 months before stress got to me again.

This time, I've faced massive amounts of stress and grief since the end of August, but it's different now. I went to the root. Instead of identifying as a vaper, my body now says, "You don't do that. You're not a vaper."

My brain will occasionally say, "No, girl, I really want to do that." But because my body fundamentally believes in the new identity, I can't make my brain override it.It's the craziest thing because it felt so easy, yet it was hard in the moment.

I had to really sit with what life was showing me, let myself feel, and learn to hold myself when those intense emotions showed up. I had to teach myself how to breathe in the moment and be my own unapologetic mother. I did that, and now I don't need nicotine the same way I did. It is no longer filling that void because I went to the root. It blew my mind how easy it was.

It's exciting to share that now because we don't have to force, shame, or guilt ourselves into growth. We really can love ourselves into it. It may take a little more time upfront, but it actually saves time in the long run because you're no longer at war with yourself.


Jessi:
That's an amazing journey. I'm so happy that you found your way with it, even though it was difficult. I'm curious about those feelings coming up, because that seems intense. How have you adjusted to allowing yourself to feel rather than numbing out? Have you found other ways to numb a little bit, or do you face them full on? What does that look like for you now?


Sarah:
Now, I realize the only reason I was numbing to begin with was because that was what my body needed to feel safe when I was a child. That's the process I had to walk myself through: understanding and holding space for what my body felt was safe back then.

And of course it did, right? I grew up in a time where emotions weren't safe. Because we were literally being handed a blueprint for survival, not a blueprint for living a full, free life.

So I went back to that root and said, "Okay, girl, I know we had to be quiet back then. We had to not feel. Because when we felt deeply and shared it, the people around us didn't like it.” But that was only true as a child. I'm no longer a child.

I am my own best friend and my deepest supporter. As long as I have my own back and understand where I'm coming from, it doesn't matter what's happening outside of me or what's being thrown at me. I've got it. I've survived 100% of the days before me, so I can survive anything life throws at me now.

My mantra now is: "It's okay. We got this. We came here to fully live and feel deeply, and that's what we're doing. We don't need to numb anymore in order to live a full life."I keep reprogramming that,

And it's actually something I have now designed inside my Reclaiming Your Breath series. It's giving others what I didn't have; I had to be that for myself. I am so grateful for it, and I probably wouldn't have chosen any other path because I was fiercely independent and didn't want anyone telling me what to do.


Jessi:

[laughter] Many of us smokers are.


Sarah:

I created what I didn't have: a voice that talks to the body and reprograms that inner child toward safety, reminding them that it's okay to feel and hold these things. It's even okay if you regress and turn back to it, because shame is what makes us spiral and continue the habit over and over again. We need love and support, and the knowledge that we're not going to abandon ourselves.

In the Reclaiming series, I speak directly to that. It's almost like an audio version of my sticky note. You can put it on in the background as a playlist that just keeps going, and over time, your body realizes that this is its new safety. Then, organically, your mind follows. Your body will just say, "Oh, I'm not a vaper or a smoker anymore. I don't need to numb because I have my own back, which is all I've ever needed."


Jessi:
Self-talk was major in my own journey, too. It's amazing what a difference it makes whether you lift yourself up or bring yourself down. We have so much more power than we realize. You really can shift. It's incredibly difficult because we get so used to our current mode of being that we think that's all there is.

But like you said, you went deeper, examined yourself, and realized, "Wow, this comes all the way back from childhood. I don't need to carry this anymore." There is nothing more empowering than that. A lot of respect for that journey and that work.


Sarah:
Thank you, I appreciate it. It definitely wasn't easy, but I wouldn't have chosen any other way. I tell people that a lot. If you dive into my astrology, it all plays into it because I have a Pluto complex and a Uranus complex—all of these things that basically say, "You're going to live a crazy life," which tracks!

Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. I blew up my life in 2020 because I was living the life everyone else said was perfect. I was a stay-at-home mom with four amazing kids and a husband who worked his butt off to allow me to stay home in an economy where that is incredibly difficult to do. He supported me, trusted me, and loved me, but I was miserable on the inside.

I was so bitter and angry, and I couldn't figure out why. My life was beautiful; I had everything other people wanted. Why was I so miserable?It was because I was so busy living for everyone else that I didn't even know who the heck I was.

People look at habits and say, "Well, you've got to quit smoking or vaping. Why are you doing that? How can you keep doing that?" But how can you give up a coping mechanism like that when extreme change is coming into your life and you're just telling your body, "You need to do better"? No. I've done a heck of a lot in my 38 years of existence. I think I'm going to love myself unconditionally for the remainder of it and let that be enough.

Now, I hold that space for others because we're all doing our best with the tools we have. That's the light I want to continue shining through this story and through the deep work I've done. My life has never been boring, and I couldn't be more grateful.


Jessi:
That's what happens when you try to be perfect, right? It becomes dead and boring.


Sarah:
Yeah. I look at some of the elders in my life whom I adore, but they are angry and miserable in their lives. I realized that was the blueprint I was following, and I don't want that life. I want a life that's full, free, and lights me up, even if it's messy.

That's the life I want to hand down to my kids—one where you don't have to feel like you're fighting your way through, hoping you get to finally enjoy it when you retire. No, we're going to enjoy some of it now, even while the burning is happening. We can learn how to enjoy the burning, too.


Jessi:
Yes, living your truth, even though it's painful at times.

You spoke really well on regret just now, because that is a very common thing. People who are still smoking often regret ever starting. And people who quit look back and think, "Why did I waste all that time doing that?"

Sometimes we can fall into regret right when we get over the hump into something better. The way you framed it makes so much sense. It was part of your journey, part of becoming who you are, and part of gaining wisdom, even if it came at a cost. That is beautifully said.

What about somebody who is struggling right now? What words of advice would you have for them? Should they avoid it because it's a struggle? Is there something meaningful in pushing through the resistance? What if they're experiencing a lot of self-doubt and don't feel ready, but they are feeling a call? What would you suggest to help someone take a step forward, follow their intuition, or move forward despite the resistance? Is resistance just forceful, or is it part of the game for you?


Sarah:
That's the piece I'm still playing around with. But I think at the end of the day, our bodies know. We may have some resistance, but deep down, I knew I didn't want to give up vaping. I enjoyed it. I really liked my vape, and I was honest about that. I told everyone around me, "I know why I can't quit. I enjoy this and I don't want to give it up."

But I also knew my body was showing me it was time. My body was getting loud enough that I had a choice, but in a way, I also didn't have a choice. It was just not being quiet enough for me to ignore it anymore.

At the same time, I knew I couldn't force it the way I did before, because I no longer believed in forcing or shaming my body into doing something it didn't feel safe doing.

Ultimately, what I discovered is that when we try to force change before our body feels safe enough to hold it, that's when we self-sabotage. I was a master saboteur. I would jump in full force, convinced I could do it all, and then my body would get scared and I'd think, "Nope, I'm going to hermit for three months and you won't see me. Peace out, guys." I didn't want to do that anymore, so I just started communicating with my body.

That would be my advice: listen to what your body and your environment are telling you through your experiences. Instead of shaming, guilting, or judging yourself, just hold space and say, "Of course you turned to vaping, because you feel so freaking deeply." What a gift that depth is.

There might have been a time in your life where feeling deeply wasn't safe, so you picked up nicotine to numb it enough to survive. You just forgot to let it go because you didn't realize you could become your own inner safety. You stop looking for safety outside of yourself when you become your own inner authority.

That's what this method does: it walks you back to that inner authority. No matter what life throws at me, I've got this because I have already done it. No matter what age you are, you've survived one hundred percent of the days before you. It wasn't easy, but you always had exactly what you needed at the time. When we can go back to that root, fill that void, and give ourselves permission to feel deeply, the habit naturally falls away.


Jessi:
How do you feel differently about yourself after quitting vaping?


Sarah:
I just love myself. I love the journey it took to get here. I love that I was a smoker and then a vaper. I know other people might not like to share that part of their story.

But I'm so grateful I walked that path because now I can hold deep compassion for others going through it. I choose to focus on the fact that it happened, I can't change it, and it was a part of my reality. So, how can I make it work for me?

Instead of harboring regret or judgment, I look at it as, "I did that thing, I've walked through it, and now I can hold space in a really powerful way for others on that same journey." I love being able to do that.


Jessi:
The connection piece is so powerful. It's hard to state the importance of having that compassion, empathy, and connection with others. That's a huge part of why I love doing this podcast so much. The pain can actually be very meaningful when we look back.

Speaking on that connection and self-love, what's another gain you've gotten from quitting? Those are pretty big ones, but is there another big tangible gain?


Sarah:
It's funny, I want to specify something because everyone who quits before you always jokes about how much money you'll save. But the people who actually walk through it will tell you that you don't really see that money sitting around afterward.

I am right there with them! I honestly look back and think, "I don't even know how we afforded the habit to begin with."I love that, though, because it was just another testament to the fact that we always have exactly what we need or want in the moment.

It's wild because both my husband and I vaped. We were both walking that journey, and he ended up quitting with me because he saw me do it—which was incredible because we never thought he could do it either. That was two full amounts of vapes we were buying every single week. And we have no idea where that money went now.

I love being able to share that space with others and remind them that it's not truly about the money. Our universe is incredibly abundant, and you will always have exactly what your body feels safe holding.

I phrase it that way because I know it can feel very uncomfortable to hear "you always have what you need" when you're sitting there with no health insurance, or no money to pay a specific bill. I've walked through many of those exact financial stressors over the past year.

But those stressors were there because I needed them to see the ways my body didn't feel safe holding money or abundance. I wasn't allowing myself to receive. I could give all day long, but I didn't let myself receive.

In the process of letting the vape and the nicotine go, I am now allowing myself to receive emotions and receive the input coming through in my life. And I get to use that in a really powerful way.

Because I've walked a journey that was not easy, I get to have true compassion. I don't look at people and say, "Well, you should have just tried harder." That's not helpful, because you cannot force a body to do something until it feels safe enough to allow it in.


Jessi:
That's some really deep stuff. But just to be a little silly about the money part, I feel like I pampered myself a bit more when I quit. I don't know if you did that, but there was a certain psychology where I felt like, "Well, I don't smoke anymore, so I can do whatever I want!"
That's where all the saved money went. I can definitely relate because people always talk about saving money to buy a boat or something crazy, but I never saw it. It just got rolled back into enjoying life.


Sarah:
I think we had more ice cream as a family! We did more things like that. And I had more money to put into my hobbies, my career, and the things I really enjoyed.


Jessi:
We've already spoken about advice for people, but if you could summarize a few quick words for someone who is in the thick of it, struggling, and having a really hard time. Maybe they haven't experienced the same ease as you, or they've already quit but feel like they don't know how to handle life. What advice would you give them?


Sarah:
Breathe.


Jessi:
Simple, I love it.


Sarah:
It's that simple.That is the deepest thing, and it's what the Reclaiming Your Breath series is all about. You're reclaiming your breath because that is really what nicotine was filling the void for. It's about taking a second to reconnect in the present moment, stepping outside, or giving yourself 10 minutes where you aren't cleaning or taking care of other people.

In a lot of jobs, if you're not a smoker, they don't even let you take a break. They'd rather you just keep moving because you don't smoke, so what do you need a break for?

So, take the breath. Put your hands on your body and take a nice, deep breath. You don't have to meditate or do anything extra. The breath itself is the most important part. If you give yourself just one minute of that, you'll feel different on the other side. You'll feel a little less weight.


Jessi:
Great advice. You've mentioned your work throughout, but talk to us more about it and how people can find you.


Sarah:
I actually wrote a book called The Unapologetic Mother. It was funny because I knew I needed to write it, but I had no idea why. Once it was actually done, I realized the book itself wasn't the final work. The book was for me.

Writing it released my past and allowed my story to sit at the same table as everyone else's perspectives. I used to be one of those people who felt things so deeply that I wouldn't tell people my own experiences because I knew that if I spoke, I would hurt them; I could feel their pain or their discomfort when things didn't sit right, even if it was my own story.

I wrote the book, released it, and right afterward, I received an extreme download for the Unapologetic Mother method, or "the UMM" for short. I really like that acronym because it's a play on words for: "Umm, that doesn't feel right in my body, no thank you." It really is as simple as that.

The method is based on Safety, Seeing, and Sovereignty. Most personal development work jumps straight to sovereignty: "You have a choice, you can choose differently." But not many people talk about the fact that you can't choose differently if you don't even see or understand what the underlying problem is at the root. And you can't see that root if your body doesn't feel safe enough to explore it, because your body is wired for your survival.

Through writing the book, doing this work, and quitting vaping, I realized that it was all just a journey of coming back to my own inner intelligence, with my body leading the way. My body was always going to give me everything I needed to see. If my outer environment was showing me things I didn't want to see, I knew it was an inner-world game.

So that's what I did: I went back to identity. Everything I do is identity work, and it's delivered through spoken letters on YouTube. I make it super easy because a lot of my work is geared toward mothers. It's not exclusive to mothers, but I like to speak to them because that's my story and where I can connect deepest.

Truly, this work is for any caregiver, any person who has cared so deeply about someone else that they shoved their own emotions down for them: codependents, people-pleasers, and deep feelers.

I keep it simple because life is busy. The videos are on YouTube, so you can just put it on a playlist, hit play, and keep living your life. There is nothing getting in the way. You don't have to stop in the middle of your day to sit down and consciously do this unless you want to. I love it if you can take that time.

But in the beginning, our bodies often don't allow us to stop because stopping doesn't feel safe yet. You can play these letters in the background; they speak directly to your nervous system and start telling it all the things it needs to hear to develop that inner safety.

The videos intentionally do not feature my face. Our brains like to look at a face and say, "Oh, they are an authority, they know their stuff, so I'm going to follow what they tell me to do." My work goes entirely away from that.

Nobody can tell you what you need for your life except you. I can share my story and say things that might spark something inside your body, but ultimately, your inner intelligence is going to lead you to your fullest, freest life. There is no guruism here. It's all just pictures, video, and the letter speaking to you.

In the video descriptions, I provide all the information your logical brain might want. I do the opposite: we speak to the body first for safety, and then you can read the description to understand it intellectually if you want to, though it's not strictly necessary.

On the other end of that process, you gain your choice and your sovereignty back. That's when you can start designing a life that you actually want to show up for.


Jessi:
That's amazing work. I love how you support people while fully protecting their autonomy, because that is so important. We truly know ourselves best. That is incredibly powerful stuff.


Sarah:
Thank you. My kiddos were actually the ones who handed that realization back to me. I discovered it while writing the book because I have both older and younger children.

Back when my oldest son was 17—he's 19 now—I was trying to change everything in my life, and I asked the universe, "Why are we not getting along? I need to understand this."

The very next day, we had the biggest blowout argument I have ever experienced. I came upstairs and cried my eyes out. On the other side of those tears, once I finally let that energy move through me, I had complete clarity.

I realized, "I asked for this," because I saw exactly what had happened: I was trying to tell him what to do, and we were butting heads because of it.

I thought back to my own childhood and remembered how I never needed someone to tell me what to do; I just needed someone to hold space and let me figure it out myself.

That same day, I handed him back his power. I told him, "I trust you to make your own decisions. I trust you to design your life. Will it be exactly what I expect or want? No. And thank God, because it's going to be your life. I trust that you're going to make mistakes and face hardships, and I get to be here to support you through them, but I am not going to tell you what to do anymore."

In a year's time, my son went from being angry, pessimistic, and untrusting of anything outside of himself, to absolutely loving life. He started trusting his own abilities when things messed up, and his internal dialogue shifted to, "I can see how this is working for me." It was incredible. I didn't have to preach at him at all. All I had to do was speak identity into him.

That is how the Unapologetic Mother Method was born. We don't need people to tell us what to do; we need people to remind us that we can handle whatever comes and make the decisions we need to make for our own lives.


Jessi:
I'm blown away by that. I'm a big advocate for intuition, and I think it's beautiful that our children can teach us so much. As a parent, it's incredibly hard because you naturally want to help them, hold their hand through every step, and shield them from experiencing the same pain and hardships we went through.

But really, there is so much power in letting go. That is all they need. Thank you for sharing that with me—I'll keep that in mind for the teenage years! Mine are still little right now, so this is helpful.


Sarah:
I absolutely love parenting now, but it was so hard before, don't get me wrong. There are still hardships, of course. But now, we get to truly enjoy each other.

I'm no longer consumed with trying to be tightly responsible and telling them how to live life. They know what to do. I'm just here to support them and speak truth into them. That has been such a fun part of my journey, and I am so grateful that the hardships led me here.

With that in mind, I want to offer something for your listeners. If anyone feels the call to try the Reclaiming series and wants to approach quitting differently—especially if they've tried to quit over and over again like I did, only to keep going back—I have a discount code for them. The code is just PODCAST. It's super simple. They can visit my Beacons site, and using that code will give them 62% off.

My mission is to help as many people walk themselves home to themselves as I possibly can. Hopefully, our world can become a bit more free, full, and unapologetic without making recovery a constant war. When we stop the war within ourselves, it is my truest belief that we stop the war outside of us as well.

Jessi:
One hundred percent. Thank you for sharing that with us and thank you for sharing your story and just coming on here speaking from your heart, being vulnerable, talking about the rough times.

I wasn't all smooth sailing for you, but found your groove with it and you followed your path and it's led you to where you are now, which is in a good spot. Still learning always, but solid.


Sarah:
Always learning. I did not sign up for anything less.


Jessi:
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your wisdom, your time, and everything you shared with us today. Thank you.


Sarah:
Thank you so much.


Jessi:
All right, everyone. Take care. We'll see you next week.


End of Interview

Smoking is so much more than a physical addiction. It’s a reflection of our deepest beliefs and a coping mechanism for when we don't know how to fully face our emotions.

If that resonates with you, I highly recommend checking out Episode 26. Like Sarah, Cheryl also delved into her roots to meet her needs in a genuine way and work to heal past emotional wounds.

Head over to Episode 26 of You Can Quit Smoking to hear Cheryl’s beautiful story and grab her practical tips for doing the inner work.

​She shares her beautiful transformation on this week's episode of the You Can Quit Smoking podcast.