Imagine over 250,000 people watching you quit smoking. That’s the kind of accountability that helped Alex make the decision to quit smoking and vaping and to stick with it even while being an absolute mess. Alex has a ton of tips to share on how she got through the hardest thing she’s ever done.

Enjoy Alex’s story here on the You Can Quit Smoking podcast.

Jessi:.
Hey everyone, welcome back. I'm so happy I'm joined today by Alex. Thank you for coming. Can you introduce yourself to the audience, Alex?

Alex:
Absolutely, Jessi. Thank you so much for having me. My name is Alex McNamara. I live in Nashville, Tennessee. It's where I'm from, born and bred.

I do live events for a living, large scale live events like music festivals, sporting events, also some corporate events in ballrooms, stuff like that.

I'm also a content creator on Instagram and TikTok, and trying to venture into YouTube. It's harder than it seems. I teach people about tools so they feel more confident in the hardware store.
And about six months ago when I quit smoking, I brought my listeners along with me on my journey. So I think that's where Jessi met me and found me, and a lot of people resonated with that.

Jessi:
Yeah, I really appreciate that you go out there and share your knowledge and your experience in all realms. So thank you so much for being here today.

Talk to us about smoking. What's your story with smoking?

Alex:
I come from a family of smokers. I feel like everyone comes from a family of smokers because everyone our generation has parents who were smoking in the '80s, you know?

But my family, we like to have dinner parties. I remember being a kid and putting out the cigarettes in the ashtrays at parties, thinking to myself, “I'm doing something good for the world.”

I was bullied a lot in grade school. So when I found a group of friends who accepted me that happened to be cigarette smokers, I jumped on the bandwagon really quickly. I think I had my first cigarette when I was 15 or 16 years old. Since then, it was kind of on-and-off again in high school.

But then I really doubled down when I got into college with smoking cigarettes because it seemed like the cool thing to do. And everyone was doing it. I also got diagnosed with ADHD when I first got into college and so I was on those stimulants.

If anyone here takes ADHD medication and smoked cigarettes at the time, you know how hard it is to not smoke a cigarette when you're on Adderall. So that was a huge catalyst for me and my smoking also.

Now, what's crazy is that I was also a musical theater major. I smoked all through that, even though the Adderall and the stimulants were already drying out my voice, giving me literal vocal nodules in my vocal cords. It was ruining my singing voice, which was my money-maker to get to Broadway.

During that time, I also developed a pretty hearty and heavy alcohol and drug addiction. With all of that, smoking cigarettes just kind of went into the mix. When I was 22 years old, I put myself into rehab for my alcohol and drug addiction. I was only one year legally able to drink at that time, which is funny. But I got myself into so much trouble that I just did it.

Before I go into that though, smoking was just always so attractive to me. It was something that my older sister—who's six years older than me and was like the coolest girl in the world, popular, while I was not—did.

I remember watching her when she was in high school and I wasn't. She'd be outside on the house phone in her robe and a big towel on her head, smoking cigarettes on the phone. I remember seeing that and being like, “I want to be like her.”

And then seeing my parents... my dad never smoked a cigarette in his life actually, but my mom smoked cigarettes. And her with her friends, I thought they were just so cool.

That was just the opposite of me. I wasn't cool at all. So, I really wanted to be cool. I've always wanted to be accepted, and smoking cigarettes was a way for me to feel more accepted.

I smoked Camel Crushes. I smoked a lot of things at the beginning, but then toward the end, I smoked Camel Crushes because I liked the pop of the Camel Crush. Loved crushing it.

Then, harkening back to when I got sober at 22 years old, of course, I didn't quit smoking cigarettes. It was the only thing I had left, right? So I didn't quit then and just kept smoking through my 20s and my early 30s.

When vaping came out, I remember when the Juul came out, I didn't quit smoking cigarettes. But I started picking up the Juul because I could smoke it inside and I could smoke it at work. I remember I worked at a summer stock theatre. I wasn't working at some corporate thing. I was drafting up in the Berkshires in Massachusetts. I remember smoking the Juul and just kind of getting hooked on that because I could smoke it anywhere I wanted.

That kind of snowballed into smoking anywhere and everywhere I could really quickly. Pretty soon, I put down the "analogs," as I like to call them: the cigarettes that you had to light with fire. And I just started smoking the Juul. I did that for a really long time.

What's wild about this vape is that I did not go anywhere without it. It's like I could lose my phone, my keys, my wallet, but if I lost my vape, if I lost my Juul, then everything was off the table. I went into a crazy mode. “Where's my Juul?” I mean, I slept with it. It was under my bed. I had replacements in my car. I always had a way to charge it just in case.

Looking back now, I see how crazy that was. But I did not realize how insane it was in the beginning and while I was in it, because I just needed it. You know what I mean? I needed it.

Then I went from a Juul to some of the other like fun ones where it was just like one vape that you purchased at the bodega in New York. And I would smoke one of those a day. It just became a cycle of, “What vape are you smoking now?” That went on for years. For years.

It's kind of wild how everything centered around the vape. Everything centered around smoking. My addiction went to the mountaintops when I started vaping because now I'm not just smoking on a 5-minute cigarette break. I'm not smoking once every two hours. Now I'm smoking literally all day and all night long.

I remember waking up at night, taking a hit off my vape, and going back to bed. Thank goodness I didn't get to the point where I needed to wake up for it. But if I did wake up in the middle of the night, I would take a hit of my vape. It's wild just how it felt and how that just became so normal.

Jessi:
So, how were you feeling about yourself at that time? Like you said, you didn't realize how crazy it was, but how did you see yourself? Did you see yourself as that cool person?

Alex:
No, absolutely not. I mean, at that point, it was, “I need this to survive and nothing's going to get in my way.” I would smoke in class at grad school with prayer hands. I would smoke at church, in church with prayer hands. That's how I would smoke in church.

I didn't care how silly or stupid I looked. Because I knew I was sucking on a battery. Like, I was sucking on a USB stick-looking thing and I did not care. I did not care. Cool girl was gone.
Now I'm in the moment of “I just need this to live and I don't care what I look like.” Which is exactly how my drinking and drug use got, by the way.

So now we get to the moment where Alex wants to quit. It was a very big excuse for me not to quit because I told myself, “Well, I already quit drugs and alcohol. I only have one vice and it's smoking, and I'm going to keep smoking forever. I do not care what you think. This is going to be me.”

And I told people that. "When are you going to quit smoking?" "I don't drink or use any drugs, so I'm going to smoke for the rest of my life.” “What?" It was wild.

Back in May of last year, I started posting on Instagram. I started a tool education platform, and it became massively popular very, very quickly. I think in May of last year, I had 1,600 followers. Now I'm sitting at almost 350,000 combined followers. The growth is absolutely wild and I'm so grateful.

But I really wanted to get to 250,000 really quickly. So I told my followers that when I get to 250K, I'll quit vaping and I'll quit smoking. Thinking, “Well, I got to quit anyway. I guess it's time. This will be good because I'll stay accountable to my audience, right?” My closest friends thought I was just gonna lie about it. But I'm a really bad liar, so that could never happen.

I remember the couple days before, I started really regretting my choice of saying that I was going to quit vaping. I just remember getting like the sweats, you know? Like literally becoming itchy, thinking, “Oh no, I’ve got to quit. I’ve got to quit doing this. I’ve got to quit vaping and I really don't want to.”

So, when I hit 250K, I was out riding horses with my friend Ashley. I hit it, and we did a little video. And I threw the vape into the trash can, and that was it. I quit vaping.

That night, I tried going cold turkey. I tried not using a nicotine patch. I told myself that I was going to do the pouch in my mouth. That's how I was going to quit vaping. I started doing that that day.
And I said to myself, “Alex, if you start doing this pouch, you're just going to become as addicted to the pouch as you were to vaping. And this is just as ugly. Having a little lump in your lip is just as ugly as sucking on a freaking battery all day.” So, I decided pretty quickly I wasn't going to do that. “All right, cool.”

Sunday morning hits and I start freaking out. I have a literal mental breakdown. I go Live with my followers and that helps. But I am crying while I'm driving down the road. I mean, I am shaking. I'm crying. I'm going through nicotine withdrawals. At this point, I don't have a patch on.

So, later that day, I finally pull into Walgreens while I'm crying, while I'm talking to my Aunt Mary, who also quit like 10 years ago. I'm crying, picking up a nicotine patch to put on my skin. I put that on and things start to feel a little better. I used the nicotine patch to quit smoking cigarettes, and I'm not sorry about it at all.

I documented all of this and I put it all on my Instagram. I'm super grateful for all of the comments and the likes and the shares. Because that really, really helped my journey. Me, I need to be accountable to somebody.

Whoever said that quitting cocaine and liquor is harder than quitting cigarettes is a liar. They've never quit nicotine in their lives. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, quitting smoking cigarettes. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I mean, I cried every single day. It was awful.

Especially when you're vaping, because when you vape, you vape before a Zoom meeting. You vape after the Zoom meeting. You vape before you go to bed. You vape when you get into a new room. You vape before dinner. You vape after dinner. It's constant and it's everywhere. Which means that every single place you go reminds you of how you used to vape there. It was so hard to get over.

I live at my sister's house, that is where I am right now. I had to move out of there and I moved into my parents' house for a few days. Because I was afraid that I'd be mean to her. I was like, “Well, I can't really be mean to my parents.” Like, I was afraid I would just start yelling at her. And she vapes, too. I was like, “I can't be around that right now. I need to move home for a few days.” So, I literally moved home for a few days so I could quit this.

It was so hard, Jessi. But I got through it. It was so hard even with the patch. I got through it through my Instagram following, that really, really helped. And my TikTok following. Just all of their comments. I got through it because a lot of other people messaged me saying, "I'm quitting too because you're quitting. Let's quit together." That was huge.

I got the Fume. You know, the Fume? It's like the herbal thing. I tried that. I didn't love it. But it was something I could have. The thing that really helped me was the necklace vial. Just having that to literally put in my mouth and suck on really, really helped.

And just remembering that a craving only lasts a certain amount of time and you can breathe yourself out of it. Breath techniques were super helpful to me. Another thing—I bought myself some bubbles and I started blowing bubbles.

Jessi:
That's fun.

Alex:
That really helped. And just being okay with being an absolute mess.

Jessi:
Yeah, that sounds really tough emotionally. So, just curious, how long do you think that took for you to start regulating, feeling a little bit back to normal? Maybe a new normal? Just to the point where you weren't crying daily, that you felt a little bit more in control of how you feel?

Alex:
I think it was like the fifth day that I started feeling better. The fourth or fifth day, I started feeling more normal, more like myself. It was really hard though. And I didn't move back until like day number six. That's when I moved back to my sister's house.

But a thing that also really helped was going to places where I was highly visible and I couldn't smoke, like church. Even though I did smoke in church before. The first full day without any nicotine was Sunday. And I think I went to three church services that day because just being somewhere in public where you're not allowed to smoke was really helpful for me.

Jessi:
Yeah. And you said that you allowed yourself to be a complete mess. So do you think like that really tough period, those first 5 days of crying, of just being very emotional, being distraught, was that part of the process for you moving through? Do you think that if you hadn't experienced that, would you have been able to quit? What do you think? Was that a release? Was that you healing? How do you see that?

Alex:
It was definitely necessary, and it was proof to me. Because I can go back to those moments of laying on the driveway on top of the aggregate, the little pebbles. At my parents' house, they don't have a smooth asphalt driveway. They've got like the kind with the little rocks in it. I remember just sitting there and just like raking my fingernails across the rocks just to feel something.

I can go back right now. I can go back to those moments. I need that suffering to remind myself today that I'm never doing that again. Jessi, I'm never going to feel that way again. I will never quit smoking again. And in order to never quit smoking again, I can never pick up another vape or another cigarette ever again. Ever.

That's why it was so necessary for me to go through all of that pain and all of that suffering and all that messiness. Because now it serves as a touchstone of, “You never want to be in that space again.”

Jessi at midroll:
If you found hope or a new perspective in today's conversation, make sure you don't miss any future episodes!

Hit the 'Follow' or 'Subscribe' button on your podcast app right now.
It's the best way to get inspired every week and ensure you keep receiving the tools and stories you need on your journey to live smoke-free.

Thank you for listening, and I'll talk to you next time.

Jessi:
And it shows you how much it's affecting you. Because, like you said, when you're in it, it seems normal. It's part of your routine. You make all these stories, “This isn't that big of a deal. Could be worse. I could be drinking.” We all have those things.

And when you go through that intense withdrawal, it can actually be pretty humbling. You're like, "Wow, this thing's got a hold of me."

Alex:
Yeah, it had such a hold on me, such a hold on me. And I just didn't realize it.

If I knew how horrible it felt, maybe I wouldn't have quit. But at the same time, I still think I would have. I don't know if I would have or not, and I don't even want to ask myself that question, really. I just want to say, "Hey, guess what? I quit," you know?

Jessi:
Yeah. We're capable of more than we think we are.

Alex:
So that's another thing, Jessi. We are capable of so much more than we think we are. It was so hard. I never want to do that again.

And the crazy thing is that it was hard, and it was so hard for so long. I mean, okay, so like the nitty-gritty crying every day, going through a mental breakdown every single day, not being able to keep my eyes dry from tears—that happened for maybe 3 or 4 days. Day five, I was starting to feel better. Cool. Now, I still wanted to smoke every moment of every day, but I was feeling a little better.

Now, I was still on the patch until early November. So, for like a couple of months, I was still on the patch. That was okay to me. I was on the highest dosage and then I tapered myself down. I can't even tell you like what the steps were because I don't remember when I went down.

I remember I was in Saudi Arabia for my job. In Saudi Arabia, let me tell you something too: everybody smokes. I'm with people who are from the UK, from Scotland, all these entertainment people, and they all smoke. They smoke like they're in the '60s. I mean, they are just going for it. And here I am recently quit. I’m just slapping my patch, just willing it to work a little better, literally holding it to the skin.

But halfway through that—that was like a six-week period. And halfway through that, I quit. I think I was done with the patch by Thanksgiving, which is really, really nice.

And it was still up until the New Year that I thought about smoking every single day. I still thought about smoking every single day and it took that long. Crazy.
Now, that's when I knew it had a huge hold on me, when I'm still reaching for it two months later. Crazy. Crazy.

Jessi:
So, how is that now being around people? Has that changed? Are you more comfortable being around people that are vaping and smoking? Do you just need to avoid it?

Alex:
I'll say this: now when I'm super stressed, especially with my job—and this is probably pretty bad, but this is what I do—I go around and I find people who are smoking the analogs. And I stand next to them and I just take a big breath in. Just that secondhand smoke. Oh my god, I love it. It smells so good. And then it gets me through the day, and that's probably bad. I get it, right?

Jessi:
I don’t think so. [laughter]

Alex:
Okay, good. But guess what? I'm not smoking. I'm not vaping. I'm just standing next to Gary, you know? I'm just standing next to old Joe while he's smoking whatever he's smoking. But yeah, I definitely do that.

Jessi:
And it sounds like it's comforting to you. So, that's definitely a common thing for some.
Alex:

I don't know why. Maybe because towards the end of my smoking journey, I wasn't smoking cigarettes for a long time, you know? So, maybe it's easier to be around cigarette smokers than vape users, right?

But sometimes when I'm around vape users and I'm super stressed or I'm super angry and I see them hit that, I just get a little jealous. And I am filled with a little bit of resentment. But I just breathe myself out of it and then I'm good to go.

Like, my sister still vapes. My mom still vapes. Some of my friends still vape. And that's okay because I don't vape anymore. And I swear when I quit something, I quit it.

Some people I see, like my sister-in-law, she goes back and forth. Sometimes she's vaping, sometimes she's not. And I do not know how she does it! She was never hooked on it like I was. I was a true blue cigarette addict, but she was never, so maybe that's why. But I could never do that.

Jessi:
Had you tried to quit before?

Alex:
Never.

Jessi:
Okay.

Alex:
No, I was actually vehemently against quitting before. I thought about it, but I never was like, “I'm not going to smoke today.” No. Never.

Jessi:
Wow. Well, that's a big step. And that's amazing that you've been able to stick with it. Like you said, "When I quit, I quit."

Because a lot of us, it's a yo-yo thing. Like you said, on and off, on and off. So, I think that's really admirable that you made that decision and you stuck to it.

Alex:
A way of doing that, though, is because I made it as public as possible, Jessi. Like, I've got 350,000 followers on Instagram and every single one of them knows I don't smoke anymore. I talk about it a lot on my stories, and I had a whole series on it about me quitting smoking, and that was huge.

I even have updates on my stories maybe like once a month of what it's like because I can't let people down these days. People quit with me, you know, and that really helps. Just staying accountable to that many people really, really helps.

Also, my skin looks better. It just looks more full. My hands... like, I don't smell like weird fruits. I don't smell bad. I'm just not addicted to a battery anymore. Thank goodness.

Jessi:
Do you find that you have more time or more freedom? What does that feel like?

Alex:
Well, I have more money.

Jessi:
Yeah, that's great.

Alex:
I've got more time. I just did a gig with my best friend. We were together for like a month and a half in California. And I would just turn to her regularly and I'd be like, "I can't believe I don't vape anymore." She's like, "I know." Because she knew me, the whole time she knew me, I've always been smoking a cigarette or a vape. Always. And so for her to be around me not vaping is crazy.

I feel so much more free these days. The thing is that when you're vaping all the time, when you're that addicted, you force everyone around you into your cloud of smoke because you cannot help but to smoke. Whether they're okay with it or not, you smoke around them. And that's really selfish and self-centered.

I'm not doing that today, and that feels really, really good. You don't even realize that it's selfish until you're done with it. Then you're like, “Wow, I used to smoke in front of you with the windows rolled up all the time. That's crazy.”

Jessi:
Do you feel like it's been easier to connect with people? Is it a little bit more awkward? Sometimes we go through changes in how we meet people, how we connect.
So sometimes it's a benefit that we don't have this barrier. And then other times it's a little bit more socially awkward. There's not an easy in to a group. So what has changed with that for you?

Alex:
I don't meet the smokers outside anymore, but I wasn't really meeting them outside towards the end anyway. I was smoking inside no matter what. So like, that social part of it didn't really click with me toward the end. I don't see a real big difference in how social I am.

I definitely get angrier faster now. I've had to really work on my breathwork before getting annoyed at people. That's the biggest change I see these days.

Jessi:
Do you think that anger is new or were you just able to suppress it better?

Alex:
No, I think I was just able to... one thing I used vaping for was to breathe through my moods. When somebody annoyed me, I was able to take a big old hit of my vape or smoke a cigarette and feel better about the situation and just calm myself down and be more patient with that person.

Now I don't have nicotine to help me regulate my emotions, which means I got to regulate them myself. Which is good because now I'm leaning on me, but also, it was a crutch. And so it's just kind of getting over that hump.

Jessi:
Yeah. Finding your feet with it. It takes practice.

Alex:
Yeah.

Jessi:
You mentioned identity. It was just something that you did all the time. You're like, "I can't believe I'm this person that's not doing this anymore." Have you formed a new identity? What has changed with that? Do you see yourself differently?

Alex:
I see myself as someone who can conquer literally anything. Which is funny, because I'm a conqueror. I have done some really hard stuff in my life. But just going through the pain and suffering of quitting smoking. Like how painful it was and how difficult it was and being able to tell myself, “I did that.”

And being able to relate with you, Jessi, and with all these other ex-smokers out there who know exactly how hard it is to quit smoking. It's amazing. Because I can look at myself today and I can say, "I'm the person who quit smoking cigarettes. I quit smoking cigarettes. I did that for me."

And that just gives me a huge boost of confidence. I'm able to look at the world with fresh eyes, I think, just as someone who can conquer, who can do more than she thinks she can, and someone who, no matter how painful it is, can get through it. It's a huge reminder that I can do things that I can't even imagine I can do.

Now I go into new situations that look really difficult and I say, "I quit smoking. I can do that, too." I say that all the time. "Oh, well, I quit smoking. I can get through this as well. If I can quit smoking, I can do this as well."

Jessi:
That's an amazing feeling when you have that trust in yourself. And just that feeling that like, “Yeah, I can do this. Whatever I got to deal with, I got this.” And there's nothing that can replace that.

Alex:
Nothing. There's nothing that can replace that.

Jessi:
That keeps me from going back if I ever have a craving. I'm like, "No, I'm not going to give up this feeling."

Alex:
Uh-huh. I'm not going to give up this feeling and I'm not going to go through that pain and suffering ever again. Never.

Thank goodness it was that painful. Honestly, thank goodness it was that painful because if it wasn't, I'd go back so quickly.

Jessi:
So, someone that's in it, they're struggling. They want to quit. They've been thinking about it, but they're maybe afraid to. They're on the fence, they're not sure that they can go through something like you went through with this hardship, this struggle. And they're just hesitant to even try. What words of advice would you have for someone that's in that position?

Alex:
No matter how embarrassing it is, you need to tell as many people that you're quitting as possible. You need to get the whole community in on it. Whether it's all your friends and all your family, maybe it is your social media following. I don't know how many followers you have. But you need to make your quitting as public as possible because the accountability of it all really helps.

And you are going to need all those people to support you when you want to smoke a cigarette. You're going to need every single one of those people. So get off your high horse. Don't think you can do it alone because you cannot. You cannot do this by yourself. You can't do it by yourself.

I was calling my aunt who quit smoking every single day. Find somebody, whether it's a lot of people or a few people. Just get yourself accountable with somebody. Get into a group. Find a community and tell people how you feel every single day, especially ex-smokers because they know exactly what you're going through. That's my number one piece of advice.

And figure out your why. For me, I don't want to let down 250,000 people, number one. Number two, I don't want to hide the fact that I was smoking anymore. It got to the point where like I was dating people and I didn't let them know that I smoked. I just like smoked in the bathroom and I was just taking bathroom breaks all the time.

Know your why and look at your why every single day, right? Whether it's, “I don't want my kids to see me smoke.” I was smoking in front of my niece. That was awful. She was two years old.
You know, whatever it is, find your why and tell as many people as possible what you're doing.

Jessi:
Thank you. I'm so glad that worked for you and I know it can work for others. I'm a really private person, so..

Alex:

Yeah, it's scary.

Jessi:
Yeah, but we all need someone. You're so right about that. We need someone in our corner. We need someone to talk to because it's a lot.

Alex:
Yeah. Even if it's not even a lot of people, even if it's just one or two people, right? Find that person and tell them what you're doing. And then call them every single day because you're going to need it. When you're going crazy, you're going to need someone to tell you, "I went crazy, too. You're not crazy." So important.

Jessi:
And to build a community that has our back. Yeah. So, talk to us more about your work and how people can find you, how people can get your videos about your journey.

Alex:
I have a platform called Built Pretty. It's on Instagram and TikTok @built.pretty. I've got merch, little hats at builtpretty.com. I'm on Instagram, I'm on TikTok.

If you want to know how to use tools or if you want to know anything about tools, follow me. I'm also a huge trades advocate. I do these things called Toolbox History where I talk about the history of different tools and how they shaped who we are, where we come from, and the world around us.

And then I definitely journaled my whole entire smoking adventure, and I can put that in the highlight bubble on my Instagram so it's easy to find, too.

And if you want to DM me and ask, "Hey, Alex, this is really hard for me. I'm going through this," DM me. I will try to find it, I'll try to reach back out to you.

Yeah, and for anyone who's out there and they're thinking about quitting, just know that the freedom that you have from not being tied to this little thing in your hands is worth more than I can ever say. I feel free today.

Jessi:
That's beautiful. Well, thank you so much for coming on here, for sharing your story. I know you said that you're comfortable with it, but I still am amazed that people can come up and tell the truth.

Because it's a shameful thing for a lot of us, and I just think that's really cool that you put yourself out there. You're connecting with others. You're an inspiration for others. And just want to thank you for coming on here and sharing your time and wisdom with us. Thank you.

Alex:
Thanks, Jessi. You're doing a really good thing. I love that people can come on to your videos because that's what I needed. I wish I knew about this when I was quitting.

Jessi: Same.

Alex:
Because this is what I needed. Yeah. So, thanks for being there for everyone. This is huge.

Jessi:

I love doing it and I love connecting with people that have gotten through to the other side.
So, all right. Well, take care everyone. We'll see you next week.



End of Interview

Are you willing to quit smoking, even if it’s hard? As we talked about, we are capable of more than we think we are and can rise up to any challenge when put to the test, even if it takes some practice.

Jeremy also considered quitting smoking the hardest thing he’s ever done. Listen to the struggles that he worked though to break his family’s cycle of addiction on Episode 5 of You Can Quit Smoking.