Did you grow up in a home with smokers? Did you pick up smoking young? Do you have a relationship between smoking and anxiety?

On this episode of You Can Quit Smoking, Frank covers these topics and more. Enjoy his story.

Jessi:
Hey everyone, what's happening? Welcome back. I'm here today with Frank.

So happy to talk with you, Frank. Can you introduce yourself to the audience?

Frank:
Sure. My name is Frank St-Martin. I live in Northern Ontario, father of two. I do a lot of fishing and weird outdoor stuff like how to cut wood and whatnot. I was a smoker for 33 years. That's me in a nutshell.

Jessi:
Really, it's a big change. So, I'd love to hear more about that. What's your story with smoking?

Frank:
Believe it or not, I remember the first time I actually had a puff of some type of smoke. My dad used to smoke cigars. I was 5 years old. I snuck into the bathroom because whenever dad used to take a shower, he'd always leave his stogy burning in the bathroom. And me being me, I walked up and I grabbed it and I had a puff or two. That was the first time. After that, dad caught me. It never happened again.

Now, the next time I actually started smoking for real, I think I was 8 years old when I started. I would take the cigarette, I'd puff on it, but I wouldn't inhale anything because, you know, I didn't know how to do that at that point.

I remember the day my mother caught me. I think I was 10. What happened was my mom was a heavy smoker, and this day in particular, she ran out of cigarettes. And anyone who has a smoking addiction, they tend to stress out a lot. They get very jittery. Their nerves are shot. They get very argumentative. They become very mean.

Well, the first pack of cigarettes I ever got was du Maurier red pack, 20 pack. So, what happened was I used to hide my cigarettes in my top sock drawer in my room. And that one day in particular where mom was agitated, I just couldn't take it no more. I walked into the bedroom, grabbed my cigarettes, threw it on the table, and said, "Here, have some."

Well, that was a mistake. Yeah. That was a hell of a big mistake. My mom yelled at me for two hours about how smoking was very bad for me and how it's going to stunt my growth and I'll be sick all the time. Needless to say, two hours of her screaming at me. She eventually gave me back my pack of smokes after taking half a pack and that was pretty much it. I was told I was never allowed to smoke in her house. Well, that's the beginning of when I started smoking.

Jessi:
When you were smoking, what was kind of going through your mind? I know you were so young, but were you smoking with friends? Were you trying to be like mom and dad? Like, what kind of drew you to try it?

Frank:
I live in Northern Ontario, so it's really, really cold out here. What really drew me was it looked cool when you had a cigarette in February and you blew it all out of your mouth. It was neat. It was like you were a dragon or whatever the case may be.

I didn't get into it for peer pressure. I got into it because it looked neat. It looked fun. 33 years later, I'm starting to think, you know, that wasn't all that fun. I should have been smarter.

Jessi:

Hindsight. But yeah, when you're a kid, it's part of the image and your identity that you're trying to form, and it's very easy for young people to fall into.

Frank:
Yeah. Well, I remember I had just got out of high school and I was walking to downtown Sudbury. And I think it was the Sudbury Star, one of their journalists were outside just stopping random students. And they actually interviewed me. I think this was mid '90s about why I was smoking and everything. And I'll be damned if I can remember the whole conversation.

But that's how my dad finally found out because he read the paper all the time. My mom and dad all separated when I was about eight, I believe. But anyway, so my dad always read the paper and sure enough, here I am on the back page where me wearing a cowboy hat talking about how fun smoking was.

Jessi:
Yikes.

Frank:
Yeah. So, I got the phone call from him, too, and he was not too impressed. He tried for many, many years to get me to quit.

Jessi:
So, why didn't you listen to that advice?

Frank:
I was rebellious, very rebellious. Yeah. Even goodness, when I was a cadet, I smoked all through that, too.

I always thought that just because I was smoking, it wasn't going to actually alter who I was or what it would do physically to me. So, I thought I was bulletproof, you know. And to be honest with you, in the grand scheme of things, I could still outrun most people. Like, don't get me wrong, my physique has changed over the years. But even smoking three packs a day, I was still able to outrun most people.

So, really, it didn't really stop me. It's just I would have a cigarette and I just cough and cough and cough. It wasn't all that fun. Towards the end, I was happy that I quit.

But, fast forward from when I was a kid to an adult. I was working in western Canada and my job was a garbage truck driver. Now that being said, I was working almost 13 hour days driving. My day consisted of me buying 40 pack of McDonald's chicken nuggets. That would last me all day. So here I am driving my stick shift truck going through Calgary traffic, cigarettes.

At my worst, I was smoking five packs a day. That's how much I just wouldn't stop. So, having a cigarette, answering phones, shifting gears, that was my day for about I'd say about a year and a half. And then I finally just had enough. I couldn't take it no more. I had to either change my lifestyle or change jobs either or something had to change.

So, after that really bad spout of heavy smoking, I actually dropped down to about a half a pack a day, And that's where I stayed until about 2020 when I quit smoking.

Jessi:
So you were probably feeling the effects of that smoking five packs a day. That's an incredible amount.

Frank:

Yeah.
Jessi:

When you went back to a half pack, like what were you feeling at that time? Was there any kind of sense of like, “Hey, this isn't that great for me”? I know you said that you were able to take care of yourself with running and that you had some level of fitness. But was there any kind of pull to quit or was it something that you just said, "This is what I do. This is how I live. This is who I am."? What were you kind of thinking about yourself during that time?

Frank:
Well, for 33 years, smoking was my best friend. If I had a bad day, I had a cigarette. If I had a good day, I had a cigarette. After the birth of my kids, I had a cigarette. If me and my wife fought, I had a cigarette. So, it was just a constant. I didn't quit because I wanted to quit. I quit because I knew I was going to affect somebody else if I didn't. Do you know what I mean?

Jessi:
Yeah.

Frank:
So, when Emily landed in the hospital, I almost lost her with COVID. I decided at that time, “Okay, Emily's gone to the hospital. I don't want her coming home to a smoke filled house given everything that's been happening.” So, I decided to quit cold turkey. That's it.

My wife means everything to me. And the fact that I almost lost her was enough for me to say, “You know what? If I can't do it for me, at least I could do it for her and everybody else. I'd be around long enough to see my kids grow up, right?”

So, when she got sick, I quit. I cleaned the house. And I figured I smoked for a long time, so I naturally assumed after I was going to quit, either I was going to have major withdrawals or I was going to get really, really sick. Well, it turns out I would got really, really sick, but not for the reasons I thought.

I honestly thought I had the quitter's flu. And 2 weeks down the road, Emily finally came home. It turns out that yes, I quit, but no, it wasn't quitter's flu. I ended up getting COVID really badly. So, I ended up going into the hospital myself, which actually really helped me to quit completely.

I had a little bit of cravings when I tried to quit on my own, but I never acted on it. And then when I landed in the hospital, it was that much easier to quit. So, after leaving the hospital and having a clean bill of health, I decided enough is enough.

Jessi:
That sounds pretty scary to go through that. I know that that was really hard for Emily and I'm sure it was hard for you. Did you have any kind of regret when you were hospitalized with it? Do you think that smoking played a part in you getting it? You getting that sick? Did you ever experience anything like that?

Frank:
To be honest with you, me landing in the hospital kind of really messed me up.

Jessi:
Yeah.

Frank:
Knock on wood. I hope I don't go there again.

Jessi:
Oh, yeah.

Frank:
But at that point, I never spent a night in a hospital in my life. So, going 38 years never spending one day or one night in a hospital, that's ….again, you think you're bulletproof. And then landing in there.
And don't get me wrong, I kept my spirits up. At least that's what I made the nurses think. But it was hitting me psychologically. Yeah.

And then a little while later, I ended up ripping my rotator cuff from my chest here into my shoulder. I landed in the hospital four times thinking I was having a massive heart attack. And the funny part is I knew it wasn't attributed to smoking, but I thought it may have played a part this far afterwards.
But it turns out, yeah, I ended up ripping my chest muscle into my rotator cuff. And I haven't really recovered from that. I still feel any little thing I'm like, "Okay, what the hell was that? Am I going to be hurt?"

I think COVID, landing in the hospital, giving up smoking and all that stuff kind of played a part into that. Now that I'm slightly freaked out that anything that hurts, I'm going to be nervous about going back there.

But I also found something else that was interesting. Whenever I didn't have a cigarette, I used to get panic attacks. And Emily actually brought it up to me recently. I started getting panic attacks again. And it turns out, no, I just have anxiety.

So, when I was smoking, I thought it was a nicotine fit or whatever the case may be. But no, it turns out I've been fighting anxiety for years. And unfortunately I thought it was just a lack of cigarettes. So, a good thing out of it. I got medicated for that.

Jessi at midroll:

We will get back to the conversation in just a moment.

If you are listening to these stories and feeling like your own journey is stuck in a loop of broken promises, please know that you do not have to do this alone. I currently have some spots available for one-on-one coaching.

I work with people to help them move out of the cycle of smoking and into a life where they finally feel in control. We use a heart-led framework to address the deeper patterns so your success is actually sustainable.

If you are ready to commit to the work, apply now at honoryourheart.net/application. I would love to support you on your way to reconnecting to yourself and moving past smoking.
Now, back to the story.

Jessi:
Yeah. So then smoking didn't really make a change with that then? Because I found.. I don't have like extreme anxiety but I had pretty bad anxiety as a smoker. And when I quit, things got better as I just learned how to take care of myself. It kind of changed my whole lifestyle.
So you think that smoking intensified in any way or is it just something that you were ignoring because of that?

Frank:
It was something I was ignoring because of it. The smoking, I thought, was my calming thing and it turns out it wasn't. In the grand scheme of things, smoking was terrible for me. And I can honestly say six years later, I’ve realized that.

Yeah, of course. I'd cough up a lung every time I had a cigarette. But that always happened. For 33 years, every time I lit up, I'd always cough no matter what. I never had that reprieve. I never didn’t cough.

In the end, I love tasting food again. Food tasted completely different after I quit. I smoked so long that I didn't remember a time where I didn't have a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. And yeah, it definitely played a big factor in my health. I'm sure.

I don't know what my lungs are going to do in the next 10 years. But you know, I'm sure I'm gonna have a lot of negative effect to it because of smoking. But when I finally quit, even now, I don't have any more cravings or anything. I just go with the flow.

Jessi:
Awesome. And I know it can be hard too when we think like, "Oh, I shouldn't have done that or I'm going to have to deal with some effects from that." But it's really empowering to do what you can.
Like you said, even when you kind of have that fear, that little jumpiness like, “I don't want to end up back at the hospital.” But you've taken that step. So I just think that can really build confidence. It's like, “At least I'm doing what I can and moving forward with it.”

I can imagine that's empowering and feels good to start to take care of yourself. It's never too late to turn around and do that.

Frank:
That and for sure the paycheck looks a lot nicer.

Jessi:
Oh yeah.

Frank:
I think cigarettes out here are now like $25 a pack. And when I started they were $2 a pack way back when. Since I quit, I actually have money for fuel for my vehicle.

Jessi:
Wow.

Frank:
I hold on to more money now. Yeah.

But the main part is I'm going to be here to see my kids and that's all that matters. I have a grandson now and I also have another one on the way and I'm anxious to see her.

Jessi:
So, congrats. That's amazing.

Frank:
Thank you. Yeah.

Jessi:
And to set that example, too. It's really powerful. Like I grew up with smoking in the home, too. And it's nice for our children that they can see something else or at least see someone quit. And that really has a big impact for generations. It's amazing.

Frank:
One little story and it made me feel like… I didn't quit because of it, but it did make me feel like I was a terrible parent. My son came down and looked at me, "Dad, are you having a cigarette?" I'm like, "Yes, I am."

I used to smoke in my kitchen. I never smoked in the main house, but I put up a door in between the kitchen and the house so I could smoke in there. I had a window and everything. He walked in and looked at me. He's like, "Dad, I can't breathe no more. Can you stop?" And that right there, I just said, “Okay.” And I started smoking outside. But, you know, it made me feel like a terrible parent.

Jessi:
Yeah, that's hard.

Frank:
Yeah. I'm happy he brought it up to me. And then he still teases me now. "You see that picture I made, Dad?" I'm like, "Yeah." He's like, "It's yellow."

Jessi:
[laughter]

Frank:
[laughter] I'm like, "Oh, okay. I know. I know. I'm sorry." So, I'm always apologizing for it.

Jessi:
But you don't have to anymore. That's amazing.

Frank:
No. No.

Jessi:
And you said that you don't have any cravings. That's really cool, too. So, was that hard then when you were having the anxiety? Were you having cravings then? Or did you just kind of know like, “Hey, this didn't help or there's another way to deal with this”? What happens when you have like those things that you really associate smoking with? Things like, you know, stress or break, a way to relax, a way to step out. What do you do in those situations?

Frank:
Now, I take a deep breath. I take some water. And I look at my loved ones because I know it would be a bad thing for me to go back to it.

And again, when I used to have those anxiety attacks, I really thought it was a nicotine fix that I wasn't getting. Until Emily put two and two together. And then I started thinking on it. I'm like, "Oh my goodness, I've been dealing with this for many, many years."

It distracted me from it, but it never cured whatever that was the problem. So, it's weird when you find out all this stuff after you quit smoking, right? It brings up a lot of issues that you should have been addressing from the get-go.I’ve got to smile about it because you know I've already gone through it.


And you know my dad was finally proud of me that I quit and then I ended up losing him a couple years ago.

Jessi:
Okay, that's rough.

Frank:
Well, it was rough the first year for sure. It's still rough now. But you know, I’ve got some good memories of my dad. I got to spend at least 42 years with the guy. So that was great, you know.

Jessi:
Yeah. And grief can be a trigger sometimes, too. So, I think that's really telling when you can go through things so difficult like that and still not run back to what you know doesn't work, what wasn't good for you.

Frank:
You need support. No matter what, you'll always need support. And my support is my beautiful wife Emily and Max and Curtis when I see them and even my dogs and cats. Everybody around me has been very supportive in this endeavor. So, it's been great.

Jessi:
Absolutely. So, that's been a big thing for you just throughout the journey is having that support it sounds like. Like you said, you refer to your loved ones when you have trying moments and inspiration for quitting.

Frank:
So, yeah, they're awesome people.

Jessi:
That's beautiful.

Frank:
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. I'm sure of it.

Jessi:
So, someone that's in it, they're struggling. They feel that call to quit. They know that it's not great for them, but maybe they're afraid to take that first step and actually go for it. They don't know what the future's going to look like for them. They don't even know where to start. What words of advice would you have for someone to encourage them that they can quit?

Frank:
All right, you're going to quit many times over. You're going to always want to quit. You're going to try and quit. The thing is, if you quit and then you go back, don't beat yourself up. Cigarettes are designed to bring you back no matter what.

So, once you get over that fix, try again. As long as you're trying, you're succeeding. If you end up quitting, great. But just keep trying. Eventually, it'll stick and you'll find something else to replace it.
Hopefully something better like, I don't know, water or anything but cigarettes. And alcohol. Let's stay away from all that stuff. But yeah, just keep trying. That's all I can suggest. Eventually, it'll take and you'll be much better for it once you get to that point.

If you make a mistake and you go back to cigarettes, you know what? Again, it happens. Just don't beat yourself up over it.

Jessi:
Great advice.

Frank:
That's all I can give for advice. I tried to quit many times over, but it just took that one time and boom, it stuck for once.

Jessi:
I think for most of us, it takes practice.

Frank:
Yeah. Practice makes perfect.

Jessi:
So, where can people find you?

Frank:
I do have a YouTube channel. It's @outdooririshrebl. I think you got a link.

Jessi:

Yeah, I'll put that in the show notes.


Frank:

Okay. On that channel, I have everything from flying RC planes that I Well, I fly and I build and all that fun stuff. I also have RC trucks and boats. You'll also find me doing boating, fishing videos, yard work, how to use an axe for crying out loud or a chainsaw. Yeah, I try to do as many outdoor things as possible and try to show that on my channel.

And also cooking videos. I love doing a lot of cooking now. And that's basically what my channel is. A lot of fun stuff to do and I'm always looking for new things to try. So, if anyone has any questions or comments, feel free.

Jessi:
Yeah, that's a lot of fun. I'll check out the cooking ones because that's my passion.

Frank:
You like video games?

Jessi:
I used to. I like the Nintendo 64 ones, the retros.

Frank:
I did a… New Year's Eve we decided to live stream myself, my wife, and my son. We made Nuka-cola. It's a Fallout 4 soda.

Jessi:
Oh, okay.

Frank:
And yeah, the whole night we're just making it, having fun, and that was a fun cooking video.

Jessi:
Oh, that sounds fun.

Frank:
Yeah. Other than that, yeah, I got a lot of videos up there and have fun with it.

Jessi:
Well, cool. It sounds like you're living life to your fullest and enjoying having new passions, new hobbies, keeping yourself busy.

And I just want to thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story with us and talking about it. Because there is so much stigma around smoking that people can be afraid to talk about it. And so I just appreciate you being vulnerable and coming on and saying, "Hey, I live this way. I changed and now things are better for it."

Frank:
Well, thank you very much for having me on it. For my first podcast, this has been very, very fun and very exciting. Definitely nervous. I'm not going to lie. [laughter]

Jessi:
[laughter]Well, you're natural. Couldn't tell.

Frank:
Thanks. But yeah, no this was fun. Thank you for having me.

Jessi:
Thank you so much. Appreciate your time. And take care, everyone. We'll see you next week.

End of Interview

Did you enjoy this episode? Be sure to check out the other side of the story and listen to Frank's wife, Emily Andrew, share her own story. She talks about how after years of medical pressure, she finally found her way to the other side of the habit in episode 38. I'll see you there.
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