Hi, welcome to the You Can Quit Smoking podcast, where we go over stories of success with overcoming smoking addiction. Many people have moved through this radical transformation and use smoking as an opportunity for inner growth, with deeper self-awareness and a greater capacity for compassion. So many have done it and you can quit smoking, too. I'm your host, Jessi Hartnett, founder of Honor Your Heart.

Jessi:

Hey everyone, welcome back. I'm here today with Lisa. I'm so excited to talk with her.
Lisa, welcome. Can you introduce yourself?

Lisa:

Hi, my name is Lisa. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate that.

Jessi:

Yeah, tell us a little bit about you.

Lisa:

I've been smoke free for six years. Yay!
And I'm currently in transition and I'm really just trying to get my story out there and encourage others to take that step to move into the best life that they can possibly have.
So, I'm really glad that I can be here to share my smoking cessation story and how long it took me to finally be smoke free.

Jessi:

Yep. It can be an arduous journey for many of us. So, what's your story with smoking?

Lisa:

I started back in high school when it was cool to smoke. It was the peer pressure. It was the cool thing to do. And it was really rebellious.

Because there were certain kids in school that were going to be straight and narrow. They were not going to break any rules or do anything bad. I was raised in a very strict household. So, for me to be able to break those rules and just be rebellious, it was like the cool thing to do.
It was at a time where you could smoke anywhere. You could smoke in restaurants. You could smoke walking down the street. A lot of people smoked in their house. So, it was just kind of the thing to do to be that bad kid, the rebel. You know, going out behind the school smoking a cigarette on your lunch break or whatever.

And I do not condone that at all. I'm not saying that to glorify it. But that's the time that I came up around my smoking was Joe Cool. And you saw the motorcycles and the really cool characters . And the hot girls and the guys who were smoking with their bottle of whiskey. It was appealing.
So, I started smoking in high school. I smoked on and off for many, many years. I never smoked when I was pregnant. I never smoked in my house ever. Even when I was in the clutches of the addiction to cigarettes, I never smoked in my house. I didn't smoke around my kids as much as I possibly could.

I even had a rule that I wouldn't smoke until a certain time of day. I didn't want to smell like it. I didn't want my co-workers and my peers to know. I was in the military for a while, so smoking was like the thing to do. But I was also in the medical field in the military, so you couldn't smell like cigarettes when you're with patient care and stuff like that.

So people knew I smoked, but it was still very hush hush at that point. It was still that rebel thing that I would do.

For me, it was not so much the addiction to the nicotine. I feel like it was the habit of waiting until a certain time of day, of having something to do when I was stressed. Or when I was out partying with friends at the club or whatever. It was just kind of the thing to do.

And for me, it wasn't so much about the nicotine as it was just the comfort of knowing that at any time, I could turn to a cigarette and it would be there for me. Like I could just go buy a pack of cigarettes. And that was not therapy, but that was the way that I coped.

So, it was very comforting in a bad way. I didn't like it. I didn't like the way I felt in the morning. I didn't like knowing what I smelled like. But I still did it anyway because at the time, that was what I needed to get me through.

So, the journey to quitting was a lot longer than I thought that it would be. When I finally decided to quit, I changed the habits around smoking. I moved to Dallas in 2019 and part of my routine would be after work. I would go on my balcony. I would have some drinks. I would have my cigarettes.

I would go to a cigar club. They don't really like it when you smoke cigarettes in the cigar club, but you could still smoke cigarettes if you wanted. So, I was always looking at, “What was the pattern? What was it that I was doing to smoke the cigarettes or when I smoked?”

I never woke up and smoked the cigarette. I usually waited until after 5:00. I still tried to not smoke during the day. I just wanted to have more of a professional appearance and whatnot and cigarettes in a lot of circles just are not accepted. It was something that I still hid. And a lot of people didn't even know I smoked because I didn't walk around smelling like an ashtray.

But when I decided I wanted to quit, I was like, “What are my patterns?” I would take my dog for a really long walk, smoke a few cigarettes when I did that. So, “What could I do to not smoke while I was taking my dog for a walk? How do I not go out on my balcony and smoke?”

So, that was something that I stopped doing for a while until I really got it under control. And it was the normal routine of, “What store did I stop at all the time on the way home to get my cigarettes?” I changed the way that I came home. I changed the stores that I would go to.

So, I didn't have that autopilot, I guess, if you will. I didn't have that connection to the thing that I really enjoyed doing. I didn't enjoy the effects of it. I didn't enjoy smelling like an ashtray. I didn't enjoy.. Oh my god, you know, the congestion in the morning. And that god-awful cough trying to clean out your lungs. I hated all of that.

But there was something that was so… god I don't want to use the word sexy. But there was something that was so sexy about the crackling of the paper and watching it burn down as you pulled on that cigarette. It is still something that I absolutely will salivate over just in the aesthetic aspect of smoking.

I do not want to go back to smelling like an ashtray. I do not want that congestion and the drainage and the trying to clear out my lungs. When I smell cigarettes now, I'm like, "Oh, I cannot believe I did that. It's absolutely disgusting." Smelling it in the air or smelling it on people just absolutely is repulsive to me.

But the other aspects of smoking are still something that I do miss. I don't crave smoking as much as I did in the beginning of quitting. And I think it's because I can really connect to what I gave up. And when I smell other people that smell like a cigarette. And it burns my eyes, it makes my nose go runny or get this feeling in the back of my throat, I'm like “Absolutely not.” There is no way I'm going to pick up a cigarette ever again.

But that doesn't mean that I still don't think about some of the other visceral reactions that come with the part of smoking. I think it’s the sensory aspect of it for me. I think that's a perfect way to say it, the sensory aspect. I do still sometimes miss the sensory aspect. But I'm so glad that I quit.

And like I said, the changing of the habits with the habit really helped me a lot when it came to quitting and to be able to stay not smoking. Now, I will say that I probably put on a few pounds after I quit. And I probably picked up some other thing that was comforting to me.

Because, you know, you just trade one addiction for another until you actually can figure out what it is that you need to heal or that you need to cut out. For me, the spiraling. I noticed that when my smoking got really bad or when I smoked more than I normally would, it was because things in my life were in disarray.

There was one time I was at a horrible, toxic job. My boss was just so mean. She yelled at us all the time. Nothing was ever good enough. We never got praised for any of the work we did. And it just absolutely weighed on me.

And I would take it home after an 8-hour day. And it would still take up like four more hours of my day afterward. So, I'm like chain smoking. Why? Because I couldn't heal whatever it was that was being triggered. I was spiraling and I was stuck in that spiral.

When I stopped smoking, part of what I made myself do and what I wanted to do, was to go on a much deeper healing journey. And also to figure out, “What is putting me in the moment where smoking is my coping. And what can I do instead that's more beneficial for me, that's going to propel me forward and not be so detrimental to my health?”

And that is something that I worked very hard on. And you just have to make the decision to make the decision to stop and to do something better for yourself. That's what I've done over the last 6 years. I just celebrated 6 years of being smoke-free. And there is no way at all that I would ever consider picking up another cigarette.

I don't want to vape. And I did not replace smoking with vaping. I kept away from anything that I was going to have to inhale. For me, that wasn't a replacement. And I knew that it would bring me right back to cigarettes if I wasn't careful.

So, I made that decision to not even go to vaping. I didn't do the gum and I didn't do any nicotine patches. I said, “I am strong enough to beat this. And I'm going to do this without any other crutch because I have to get rid of the crutch. I have to figure out what it is that I need to heal, that I need to fix so that I don't rely on another type of addiction that's a bad addiction.”

And like I said, I probably put on a few pounds afterwards. But you know, you replace one addiction for another. But I made the conscientious decision that nicotine was not going to be a part of my life.
You know, you pick up bubble gum or lollipop or biting your fingernails or whatever it is that replaces the cigarette to your mouth. But I just made that decision not to do any other nicotine. And I am 6 years smoke free and I will not go back.

Jessi:

Well, thank you so much for sharing that. It's really beautiful how you were able to replace those habits. How you were able to do the deep inner work and really get to the root of, “What's going on here?”

I thought it was really interesting that you were able to take these breaks throughout: early on when you were pregnant, putting it to the end of the day, things like that. When you would go back to it, it sounds like maybe you had multiple attempts to quit. Is that correct?

Lisa:

Yes, that is correct.

Jessi:

So, when you would go back, what was the driving there? Was it that kind of spiraling you were talking about? Like what was the trigger, if you will, to go back? What were you trying to seek when you were going back to smoking?

Lisa:

That's an excellent question and honestly, I don't know that I can give you a definite answer. I do know that some of the people that I put into my life..

Or there was one time, for example, I had quit for several years. I was in the military and I was stationed in South Korea from the United States. I couldn't take my family. I think I survived a week in South Korea and somebody was sitting on a table, a picnic table. And I asked them for a cigarette. I said, "I just need one just to take this edge off.”

Because my kids, I just left them for a year. Like, “What kind of mom does that?” You know, I had all of that guilt. But there was also the excitement of, “I'm doing something that I'm passionate about. I love the military.” But there was still that underlying moment that was just detrimental to me.

And I said, "How am I going to survive this?" And I asked somebody for a cigarette and that was it. And it was a few years of smoking after that one cigarette. And I think it was maybe not so much the spiral at that point, but there was definitely something impactful.

You know what? Now that you mention it and I'm thinking about it, it was usually some sort of spiral. There was a time where there was a divorce. And that was something I was going out to the bars and being around people that smoked and it became my thing. It replaced the relationship with the husband, but I wasn't healing. I was just covering. That definitely would be a connection.

Yeah. That’s the connection I would make is, it was always some sort of pivotal life change that caused me to be in that spiral while not having the coping mechanisms that I needed.

In the last 6 years, we've had a lot happen just here in the United States. And I've had a lot happen personally outside of that. You know, we had the big C where we were shut down. I actually quit right before that happened, right before we all went into lockdown. And I maintained that the entire time and still haven't picked up a cigarette. I've had a relationship end and then I had another toxic job that happened.

But when I started to look at these patterns of all of this toxicity in my life and this is where the smoking is increasing or I picked up cigarettes again. That is the moment it became my coping mechanism instead of actually stepping back and trying to heal it.

Well now that I've been smoke free for 6 years I said, “I don't want to do this again.” I also quit drinking at the same time. So I've been six years free of alcohol and cigarettes. And it was like, How do I maintain this? Because I don't want to go back to this.” That's when I started to do the hard work of healing whatever it is I was trying to avoid.

Jessi at midroll:

I hope today's guest is giving you a new perspective on what is possible.
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Let's head back to the episode.

Jessi:

Yeah. When you were smoking, like you said, you had a bad environment at work. You're at home and you're thinking it over in your head and you're getting worked up. And you're smoking, you're spiraling. You're smoking more, you're smoking more. Did it provide relief? Did it fix the spiral?

Lisa:

Absolutely not. It did not. But it felt better, you know. Like it felt like the cigarette was there for me, like it was my friend listening to me go through this whole craziness.

And no, it didn't. It didn't take the edge off. It didn't make anything better. But I still continued to do it, which is very strange, right? Like the connection of the realization between this isn't helping me, but I'm still doing it anyway.

It was almost like I was on one side of my shoulder screaming at myself, “Stop!” And the other shoulder was me screaming at myself, “Don't stop!” And I couldn't bridge it and be like, this is not what I need.

So, that was another good question. Yeah. No, it did not help at all.

Jessi:

Yeah. Sometimes it's just the pattern itself that is comforting.

But I just like how you painted that picture. It's like when I went inside myself and I did the deep work. And I got really curious and I faced some of the darkness, some of the pain. That's what actually propelled you forward and you were able to move forward in life without smoking and get past that.

So I think that you’ve said that really beautifully because it's hard. That's the thing we all want to avoid. We don't want to do that. We don't want to go there.

Lisa:

And it is hard. It's messy and it's sticky. But it is so beautiful at the same time because you learn so much in that transition period. You learn so much when you're muddying the waters because you're walking through it. You feel like you're drowning, but there's so much to learn. There's so much to learn about yourself. And then you have this beautiful experience that you can take with you for the rest of your life.

And then also when you're going through that, you can look back at the experiences that you've already had and go, "Oh my god, look at how much I overcame. Look at how much I have done. I can do this too. And I don't need to avoid those deep emotions or those conversations. I don't have to stay in this situation because I've already survived so much. And now I just have one more thing in my toolbox that I know I can take with me to carry me through anything else that I ever face.” So it really is a beautiful thing even though it sucks at the same time.

Jessi:

Definitely. So what is one of the tools in your toolbox? You're having one of those days where it's like, “I am losing my mind here.” How do you come back to you? How do you ground? How do you keep it together and not do something harmful that you used to do in the past?

Lisa:

It actually took me a long time to figure out how to use all of the tools that I was learning to actually have a system for myself to figure out how to take the next step. I am not saying that my process is perfect.

There are times where it might be a couple of days of just going through the motions, breath work, pausing, saying, "What is it right now that is causing me to go down this spiral?" There are many different things that it can be. It can be a money situation. It can be that you are in a situation where you know you're one thing and something else is making you question that. It could be a job that you feel is not as fulfilling and you feel like, “I'm so much better than this. Why am I not doing something more with my life?” It can be something that you're going through with a relationship.

So really stopping and pausing. And saying, “What is?”... This is such a buzzword right now, but it is such a needed word. “What is the trigger that is actually causing all of this?” Because there's something that needs to be healed. There's something that you can look back to the very first time something happened to you that made you go into this spiral or this frenzy. And that is what you need to make peace with.

It doesn't mean that you're saying that the other person wasn't at fault. You just have to make peace with it. And you have to accept that that happened to you. Then you get to say, “I'm not going to give it that power anymore.” And I think that's where a lot of us go wrong is we give these things power. But this is way back in our past. We shouldn't give it that power anymore.

So, I really stop to pause. Journaling is great. Taking inventory of what you're going through at that moment to see what that underlying trigger is really is so helpful to not pick up a cigarette. And then saying, "Okay, now that I know what it is, I don't have to take 15 hours to be sad and upset about this. I can move. I can go forward. And I can take one step, one action to keep taking another step to keep taking another step.”

And eventually I'm walking and then eventually I'm running. And now I just finished the marathon. And I get that end goal of whatever it is that I desire. No more smoking, whatever it is.

And that's really what I have to do is take the time, 60 seconds, to take a quick inventory. We're not trying to heal it right now. We're just trying to see what it is. And we're going to put it in our back pocket until it is our time to sit down and actually face it.

Jessi:

A lot of great stuff in there. I love the curiosity, the acceptance. And just to take that moment to slow down is huge. And it can really make or break the pattern that we're used to.

Lisa:

Yes.

Jessi:

You've mentioned a lot throughout here about resilience and empowerment and I think those are so great. It's something you don't really consider sometimes before quitting. You're like, "Oh, I just want to breathe better, save money.” And then all these things arise.

So, I'm curious, what's a big gain? Maybe it's something you expected or something you didn't. What's been some gains of quitting smoking?

Lisa:

The biggest thing was being able to walk up the flight of stairs to my apartment without having to stop halfway or without getting winded. Really, just getting back my breath.

For me, it's important because I do work with women to empower them and to help them find their fire. But in your healing, breath is so important. The ability to take in the oxygen and distribute it to our cells so that our bodies can heal and our brain can function. Breath is so so important.

And for the longest time I was hiding my voice because I was killing my breath by smoking. And so for me now I look at it as, “I have my voice back and I can breathe.” And if you're religious or not and spiritual even: breath is life. So I have my life back.

I am not connected to a cigarette. I am not connected to a habit and it no longer has control over me. So I got my life back and that is the biggest reward.

Jessi:

So I know you said that you had to stop halfway up the stairs but did you even realize how restricted your breath was until you quit? Or you had been on and off so maybe you had that experience more often than I did?

Lisa:

So for me when I started back in Korea it was almost a continual pattern for many years before I quit again. And I absolutely was very aware of how much the cigarettes were keeping my lung capacity muted. I absolutely was aware.

I was in the military and I had to run for PT. It was challenging. One of my favorite things in the world was to go dancing .aAd guess what you can't really do when you can't breathe? Dancing can become hard.

So, I was always very well aware of the breath aspect because also when you wake up. And you're hacking up half of a lung because of all of the stuff that's in there because you just smoked half a pack of cigarettes the night before. I was very well aware of the breath.

I just never made the connection of how important the breath was until after I quit. And after I quit, because the healing journey too, I've been smoke free for 6 years. But I started my healing journey about 10 years ago. So, I had four years of dabbling in breath work and healing and becoming enlightened and all of that.

So, I was making the connection, but it didn't click until about a year after smoking. And I was like, "Oh my gosh, look at all the things I can do so much better.” I don't know that I'm actually going to run a 2 mile race. I have no interest in running. But I can walk up my stairs. I can walk long distances.

Now, I'm into fitness. I work out in a sauna. And I have the ability to be able to do that and not feel like I'm dying. Yeah. The breath I became a lot more aware of that about 6 months in and all of a sudden I walked up the stairs one day and I wasn't panting and I was like, “Did that really just happen? I just walked up the stairs and I'm not dying at the top.”

It was because my lungs were healing. You know, because you quit yourself. There's different stages of healing in your lungs and in your body that come along like after the first 24 hours, after 6 months, after a year. It was really interesting to see that a couple of years later and I was like, “I remember those stages of that healing in my body.”

I had an X-ray done not too long ago on my chest and my lungs are beautiful. I am so fortunate. But I also am very well aware of the power of being able to heal myself with my mind as well. I do the things that I need to do to at least stop any of the damage that I have already done to my body so it doesn't get any worse.

Jessi:

And you can dance now. That's really beautiful when things that we enjoy can return to us. And yeah, we really gives up more than you even take stock of sometimes.
So, someone that's in it, maybe they've gone back and forth. Maybe they're even too nervous to try to quit. They know they want to, but they're like, "What is life going to look like? How am I going to handle this?" What word of advice would you have for somebody that's stuck?

Lisa:

Find support. Rely on the people that you love to be there to help you through it. Because it's not an easy process.

I quit cold turkey when I made the decision to stop smoking. I said that night, “This is my last cigarette.” And I threw away the rest of my cigarettes and I didn't pick up another pack after that.

But I also had the goal because I knew things. We're a lot more aware of how bad smoking is for us now. When I first started, there wasn't a General Surgeon’s warning like there is now. You know, I mentioned the advertisements and all of the cool merchandise you could get by getting points for buying all these packs of cigarettes. So, I mean, it was just a really different time.

But now that we're more aware. And you know what you're doing with your body. And there's more commercials out there where you're seeing the people who have to breathe through a tube because they just killed themselves literally. And if it wasn't for that tube, they wouldn't be here.

Rely on people who love you but dig deep and know that you can do it. Take stock in what you've done. And just say, “I cannot have this relationship with smoking.” And just change one sentence. Say it to yourself over and over again. “I am cigarette free. I am cigarette free. I am cigarette free.” And I promise you you will be.

Jessi:

Yes, those affirmations are so powerful and you can really take charge of your thoughts and your identity. That's excellent advice. Thank you so much for coming on here and I really appreciate your vulnerability and your heartfelt words.

So, how can people get in touch with you? Can you talk more about your work?

Lisa:

I would love to. Thank you for asking and allowing me the opportunity to do that.

And first of all, thank you so much for having me and for doing this podcast. It is so important that people know that they're not alone. That they can do it. And by sharing other people's stories, it definitely can give people hope.

And people can reach out to me. I'm on all forms of social media as The Lisa V. I'm on LinkedIn if anybody does LinkedIn. You can go to my website, thelisav.com.

And if you wanted to shoot me an email, you could do hello@thelisav.com as well. And messenger, any of those types of DMs, I'm available. Ask me questions. I would be more than happy to provide somebody some support and guidance on their journey to become cigarette free.

Jessi:

Awesome. I appreciate that, you being so open. Yeah. I just love this podcast. It's so awesome to connect with people that have moved through to the other side. And you do coaching as well, right?

Lisa:

I do. And I do coaching on helping people when they're in that spiral. But then we do deeper work, the healing of the things that are causing you to repeat some of these patterns and to have some of these habits that are not good for you. That deeper healing is something that I do help people with as well.

Jessi:

Well, that's beautiful work. Thank you for doing that. Because yeah, that's the hardest stuff is to get to the root of what's really going on so that you can have that lasting change. And you've done it. I'm so happy for you.

Lisa:

Thank you.

Jessi:

Well, thanks again for coming on. I really appreciate your story and just was happy to connect with you. And I know that your words are going to inspire someone in their own way.

We all are so unique. You never know what's going to hit somebody. So, it's always great to hear different versions and experiences and truths. Honestly, you really came out here with some truth. So, thank you for that.

Lisa:

Well, again, thank you for having me and thank you for doing this. This is very important work as well.

Jessi:

I love it. See you guys. I'll see you next week. Take care.


End of Interview

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